The Fires of Israel - volume 1 part 1 - Memoirs and Words of Rabbi Yisroel Dov Odesser translated from Yiddish

The Fires of Israel

For a period of time Saba Yisroel would visit with some people every Moatzu-ay Shabbos (Saturday night after Shabbos) and they recorded him. In these visits most of the conversation was in Yiddish. Some of the words have now been published by Michon Bushun (9 Nachum St., Jerusalem. Tel: 05-678910-6) in a slim volume “Eeshay Yisroel” - “The Fires of Israel,” with the Yiddish transcript and a Hebrew translation. There are also hotlines where the recordings can be heard (America: 1-641-715-3800 and then #125377; Israel: 079-5850923), and they can be attained by contacting breslov.kval@gmail.com.

The Story of His Drawing Close

The Holy One Blessed He desired that I draw close to Rabbainu, so He brought about such circumstances that I should know of the book (Outpouring of the Soul) – from the book I made hisbodidus, and I saw such wonders – that it is impossible to tell over verbally – I saw wonders!

I would steal myself to the fields with the book (Yid: papers), I wanted to save my soul. So I did what is written there, and I saw such – abolition of nature! Abolition of nature!

I used to learn books – books of Chasidus, books of Mussar (ethics), in order to save my soul. But what I saw here, I never saw in my life! The Holy One Blessed He showed me – the Holy One Blessed He desired that I come close to the Rebbe – that I must come close to the Rebbe, so from all the opposition against the Rebbe – was ashes and dust (-nothing).

I saw Rabbi Yisroel (Karduner o.b.m.) - I saw that this is a completely different matter! This is Oalum Hazeh (this world) – and this is Oalum Habu (the future world), two entire opposites!

And afterwards – this is the way it was methodically, for the holy Rebbe said (Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 318), “To come close to me is a very hard enterprise!” It is necessary to be cleansed of honor and the vanities <hevlay> of this world! To draw close with a full stomach – with arrogance – eating and drinking – with money?! A person is always surrounded with impediments – this is all obstacles! Blockage from the true tachlis (purpose, end)!

Nu, I saw that the Holy One Blessed He has compassion on me - - it is wondrous how I got out - - I had already came to a resolution that I would not be a Breslov Chussid! I would learn the books – but would not be a Breslover!…

However, HY had mercy on me, and I merited to see what takes place here – just my hearing from R' Yisroel'n (affectionate suffix) a davenen (-praying), a prayer, or a word, and his manner, and his mitzvos (-good deeds) - - I saw that the world sleeps! That this is the place! That this is the place where there is what to see – that it is possible to draw close to HY in truth – it is only here!

And certainly – I still did not know what I know now. The more time goes by, I see what goes on – how the world looks – and how it is by the Rebbe – yeah. But the main thing is – what I merited to know Rebbe Yisroel'n!

I knew more of the elders, I knew R' Shlomo Wexler. He was such a novelty - - Rabbi Chaim Sonnenfeld (the Chief Justice of the Chareidi Court of Israel) had derech eretz (-formal etiquette and respect – meaning amongst other things, he would stand up for him) before him! R' Shlomo was his neshama (soul), he treated him with (formal) respect! R' Shlomo, R' Shlomo!

*

All of this is an astounding wonder! Astounding wonders! Wondrous Wonders! - How I got out of Egypt?! (* See Likutay Halachos, OC, Laws of Blessing of Thanksgiving 6:67 – how a person is obligated to see himself as if he got out of Egypt – recognizing all the goodness, miracles and wonders, that HY does for him especially for drawing him close to the true tzaddikim which is an eternal kindness etc. see there). How is it that I got out – how is it that I merited to draw close to the Rebbe'n?!

I did such things that were mamash – so cruel. My father was blind, and poor, he was an embittered man. A blind person – may the Holy Merciful one spare us – a sick person – either he dies or he lives, and this (-blind person) lives and suffers – a man lives and he cannot see?!

And father begged me so much – he gave me permission – I can be whatever chussid – I can choose what I want! “Perhaps you feel better with a different chassidus. Just not Breslov!”

It wasn't necessary for me to make such an issue, and (should) not (have) said, “Father, it cannot be any other way, I will not listen to you!” I pained him so.

It is possible that this was “reeboy ohr” (-too much light – overenthusiastic and carried away), I should have had wit, and not have said that, the aspect of “arrow in the eye of Satan” (*the Talmud warns that one should not openly and overtly challenge or take on the evil inclination, with such a proclamation), it was not necessary for me to say, “it is not possible for it to be any other way,” and, “you will not accomplish anything,” and, “I will not obey.” I should not have made out to be knowing (-resolute), yeah - - (rather) hear what he says, and answer, “I will see,” “I will consider,” “for the time being it is hanging (-undecided).” - - No! I was so - - but even still – bidee-eved (-not optimal but since it was already done) this was good.

And everyone, and the family, and the whole city, saw how I was so cruel, how I don't listen to father and mother, and how I don't pay attention to everyone – and this was a tremendous kiddush (sanctification of) Hashem.

*

And afterwards, in the time of R' Yisroel – he was in Tiberius, he was our crown, he was an altogether different matter - -

Like Rabbi Nussun sang to himself, when the misnagdim (opposers) wanted to kill him - - he traveled to the wedding of his son, and the misnagdim found out that Rabbi Nussun would arrive, so they went out towards him outside the city, and they wanted to kill him. And Rabbi Nussun hid himself, and afterwards R' Nachman Tulchiner searched for him – he traveled with R' Nachman Tulchiner, and R' Nachman saw from a distance how Rabbi Nussun – there in his hiding place – how he dances and sings with great joy, “Master of the World, our greatness and our splendor will be revealed in the time to come, when Messiah arrives!” (* based on Likutay Moharan 66:3; see the entire story in Siach Sarfay Kodesh 3:135).

Standing here are men who want to kill him – Is it possible, he is going to marry off his son! Where has such a thing been heard – that a father who is going to marry off his son – even the most execrable – that they should demean him so much – that they should want to kill him?!

And Rabbi Nussun needed to hide himself, and he left the wagon, and hid himself somewhere in the forest, and R' Nachman Tulchiner went to search for him, and he found him standing and dancing, “Our greatness and our splendor will be revealed in the time to come, when Messiah comes!”….

*

Nu, and we merit here in this world – even though this is not quite how it should be – however it is also a kidush (sanctification of) Hashem. Every soul that comes to Rabbainu Hakadosh is a kidush Hashem – after such a conflict, after such a concealment.

Whoever wants - - the holy Rebbe - - however he is, the holy Rebbe searches for aitzos (remedies, advice), schemes, how to draw us out from all the vanities of this world. This is something nevertheless! It is not the way it should be?! It is not R' Yisroel?! Nevertheless there is made from this – it pays off to come!

*

It comes Rosh Hashana – many Jews come to Rabbainu for a tikun (rectification) – on Rosh Hashana. I think, this year – who knows if there will even be space – even to stand!

Already a year ago - two years ago – I spoke with some Jews who came for Rosh Hashana, I asked them, “Who was mikarev (drew close) you? Where did you hear?” He answered, “No one, did not mikarev us, we didn't hear from anyone, we bought the books” – in The Life of Rabbi Nachman he saw how the holy Rebbe speaks of his Rosh Hashana, so he came for Rosh Hashana! From The Life of Rabbi Nachman he came for Rosh Hashana! From the Likutay Moharan he is coming for Rosh Hashana! And from the Likutay Tefilos he is coming for Rosh Hashana!

There are prayers for Rosh Hashana, and one must already prepare himself for Rosh Hashana – one must already say the prayers for Rosh Hashana, so as to merit to know of Rosh Hashana – that Rosh Hashana is approaching!

*

R' Yisroel r.i.p. always was burning (-enthused) like fire, for Hashem Yisburach, but Elul (the month before Rosh Hashana) was an altogether different matter! This transcended everything - - a completely different matte! His (reciting from the Rosh Hashana prayer) “And every creation will know that You created it, and every formation will understand that You formed it!” burned! It was a burning fire!

He was in Meron, and his hisbodidus – all of his devotions – Elul (his devotions of that month) was completely different from the whole year! A completely different fire! He was always a fire, this I saw!

*

And thank G-d, the holy Rebbe said – when one draws close to the tzaddik through toil and exertion then one merits to receive more from the tzaddik (*Likutay Moharan, Torah 185, summarized in Likutay Aitzos, entry of Mineyos – Impediments, article 5)! The essence is from the toil and exertion!

Here I was the geebor (-champion) from among the chasidim, the greats of the world, yeah. And I was a frummer (devout/pious), and I was always with them. Nu, suddenly… what happened here?! There is exists one R' Yisroel, a poor Jew - - and HY brought about circumstances so that I merit to hold (-remain) by Rabbainu Hakadosh.

*

There in Tiberius was someone called 'Reb Laizshikeh'. Reb Eliezer, he was a Cohen (-dynasty of the priesthood), and out of affection he was called 'Reb Laizshikeh', and he was an old man, seventy years ago he was already ninety years old, he had a hernia/hunchback (?), he slept on the floor (-in the Hebrew this was translated – he shlepped (-dragged) himself about like that). And he left Maariv (-the evening prayer) later than everyone else. Nu, from the synagogue to his house, how big is all of Tiberius already, from the synagogue to his house is not such a – nu, however he would take tiny steps, and he would carry along at a crawl, and I would go with him – I went, I would help hold him so that he wouldn't fall, after Maariv, and I would go with him – at night – there is no one on the street. And I would speak out my heart before him, I wanted to hear from him words that I could use towards Judaism – towards fear of Heaven.

And this Reb Laizshikeh told me about R' Yisroel'n – that he his such a thing, a novelty! Yeah, this Reb Laizshikeh - -

*

[- - R' Yisroel was in the Land of Israel twice, one time he came – the first time – he was here for a few weeks, he came – to go four cubits in the Land of Israel, but he traveled back. And the second time he came already to settle permanently in Jerusalem – he sat (-settled) in Jerusalem, however HY brought about circumstances which had him travel out of Jerusalem and carried him into Meron!….]

*

And this R' Laizshikeh showed me great friendship, he loved me dearly – a sincere Jew loves temeemus (unfeigned wholeheartedness). And the whole way I spoke with him, and afterwards when he arrived – he went into the house, he brought me inside the house, he sat down by the table, and spoke with me.

*

And this was before drawing close to R' Yisroel'n. When I drew close I was seventeen years old – and from before bar-mitzva until seventeen years I had work – I lived a life, I didn't know from Rebbe'n. And suddenly HY had mercy on me, there was a creation of the world!

I found the Outpouring of the Soul in the garbage, I take it and go to throw it into the geneeza. Before I threw it into the geneeza, I see that the name of the book is Outpouring of the Soul! And I had learned then many books, books of mussar (ethics), and many books of tzaddikim. Nu, and such a name of a book I still had never heard and had not seen. I contemplated, let me look inside, let me see what this is, maybe this is good for me. I started to look inside, previously I had just seen the name of the book, Outpouring of the Soul, I started to look and see – I only set an eye on the page I opened to – it was without a cover – I saw immediately that this was hashgacha (-Divine Providence) – that this was good for me!

I used to take the papers and go out between the fields, because the yeshiva stood between the fields. And I saw what I saw - -

Nu, it became known to me that these pages are from the books of Breslov, which one mustn't look in them…

I saw what is going on here – I saw the papers, what they have in them, how this saved me. Nu, HY brought about such circumstances that I came to know of the - -

*Here the tape is interrupted a bit, and apparently the missing part is the story of the boy who discovered Saba reading Outpouring of the Soul.

- - I told him that for me it is good! It is non of your business! For me it is good!!

“Like that? You are so impudent? Such brazeness?!”

So he tore the papers from me and took them, and I was left an orphan – without the papers!

Nu, picture for yourself – what delight I had from the papers – and he took them away from me – he took from me my neshama (soul)!

However, I became aware of drawing close to Rebbe'n – that this was from the books of Breslov which are forbidden to look in them… So I began to inquire by the chasidim – there were precious Jews there, Heaven fearing, chasidim, so I asked, “What is this?!” I told over to them how I found a book which saved me more than all the books, and so and so came along – and says to me that this is from the books of Breslov which one mustn't look in them, “Who is this Breslover? What is this Breslov?”

He (R' Laizshikeh) knew, and he said to me – “There was a great tzaddik and goan (genius) and his name was Rabbi Nachman Breslover!” I asked him, “If he was such a goan, such a tzaddik – why does he say that one mustn't look in his books?” He said, “There was a conflict, and I say,” he said, “in my opinion, one needn't look at the conflict – men of our status - -!” Yeah, that is what he told me…

I told him how he had torn the book, and he had indignation. However he was really from the unique special individuals – one who held that one should not oppose Rebbe'n, Rabbi Nachman, yeah. However the majority – everyone – were misnagdim (opposers).

And shoyn (-already, it is done, now) I did not have the book, but I became knowledgeable that there is Breslov! Previously I didn't know that there is in the world a type of chasidus by the name of Breslov, and now I became aware that this is - -

Nu, and I had already tasted the taste of the the book, I used to go out – without the book – I woud go out to do hisbodidus between the fields, because the yeshiva was situated between the fields. I would go out, and I would beg and cry before Hashem Yisburach - - I gave him thanks for having brought me the book, and now that I did not have it – I begged him, “Master of the World, have mercy on me that I should merit that You bring me – books of Breslov – and chasidim of Breslov!” That is what I beseeched before Hashem Yisburach.

Nu, people of our aptitude - - I beseech, who knows - - I beg - - however I saw the results of the begging I saw – it wasn't long – R' Yisroel Breslover – that's what the whole world called him, and that is what is written on his tombstone… - was sitting (-settled) – nu, and he was sitting in Meron, and his entire avoada (devotion) was with modesty (-secrecy), in Meron there is hisbodidus, Torah and prayer. However he was alone over there, he was in the Garden of Eden, he was engaged there in avoadas (devotion of) Hashem – according to the Toaroas (-holy teachings) of Rebbe'n – with the prayers (-built on the teachings), with the halachos (-Likutay Halachos of Rabbi Nussun). Nu, he was in the Garden of Eden. From where did there come about R' Yisroel – if not from the holy words?! If not for the Toaroas?! For the prayers – for the books?!

Nu, if they would give him all the money in the world, he would not leave Meron and travel to Tiberius. How does one take such a person out of Meron to Tiberius – to Yisroel Ber'n?! How is this possible?! Nu, HY is omnipotent, He desired that I should have R' Yisroel'n in Tiberius, so He effected His [program]! And He took him out from Tsfas, and He bought him to Tiberius.

And at that time there weren't taxis, there were donkeys, and HY brought about circumstances so that R' Yisroel would already travel to Tiberius – he didn't want to travel – however HY effected His [program], (so) he traveled to Tiberius.

So he came to Tiberius, and immediately from the donkey – HY brought about circumstances – that he come into our house. He came on Thursday, and we had begun to bake bread that week on Sunday, to sell. Nu, he needed bread, and we had bread left over by us, and he met a relative (of ours) and this person brought him to us, and we had by us a house with more children, older and younger, and HY brought about that I brought out the bun to him, and the way (-immediately) I saw him, I saw a sort of image not from this world! I speculated that this was one of the thirty-six (hidden tzaddikim of the generation) - -

I had begged HY that He should bring me someone that can benefit me in Judaism, so I saw - - I had begged for Breslover Chasidim, but HY sent from the very thirty-six tzaddikim…

And this was a creation of the world! This came about from such a concealment - - it was so remote that R' Yisroel would come to Tiberius – to leave Meron and travel to Tiberius, however HY willed it - - “For He said and it was, He commanded and it stood (Psalms 33:9)!” He finalized His (will)! He brought R' Yisroel'n to Tiberius – into our house, and from this was a creation of the world.

*

And in this way we need to learn a practical lesson, to be more given over to Rebbe'n. And this is our entire tachlis (purpose)! Money is nothing - - no!

And so too every word from the holy Rebbe'n, from every matter of the holy Rebbe'n, it is necessary to deduce from this – that we must run to the holy Rebbe'n! We need the holy Rebbe'n just like we we need the neshama (soul)! And we mustn't look at (-pay attention to) the world! And we must see to it that we heed the Rebbe'n, and not to be wise (-extraneous superfluous reasoning) – (just to be) like the holy Rebbe taught us!

We don't need our reasoning, we don't need anything! We have everything all set! The holy Rebbe prepared for us everything we need! What every Jew needs, and what he needs every day and at all times – his whole life! What he needs – he prepared everything – the holy Rebbe!

Just what is it then? One doesn't give heart (-mindful), and desires just the name – to be a Breslover, and that's it, thank G-d I am a Breslover… Nu, one must see to it to be such a Breslover - -

***

Every word is a gushing brook (“nachal noavaya” - an appellation of Rabbi Nachman), every word from the holy Rebbe'n is a gushing brook, every matter which comes from the holy Rebbe'n.

Nu, we see wonders coming out from the holy Rebbe'n, for in accordance to the holy Rebbe being opposed to all the sciences and and all the philosophies, with all the research, with sciences and languages, which the entire world is sunken (-engrossed) in, they should not speak of him at all in the world! There is no one to speak with! He is opposition - - like the Country of Money (* Legendary Tales of Rabbi Nachman, Story 12 of a Prayer Leader) – he speaks against our faith (- in money) - - it can't be anyone else – this must be the Prayer Leader!

***

[In a conversation about the songs of the Breslover Chasidim, he sings “Unu Bikoach” as is the custom to sing it on Chanuka, repeating every word seven times. And afterwards “Bimoatzu-ay Yoam Minoocha” and “Chadaish Sisoanee” which are are sung Saturday night after Shabbos. And afterwards he spoke of the song “Adeer U-yoam Vinoaru”]

“Adeer <Mighty One> U-yoam <Fearsome> viNoaru <and Awesome>” - - it is known, probably also now it is sung this way, this is intentional. This is such an arousal – it is brought in the letters (* Ullim Litrufah, letter 163, Tuesday of the Torah Portion of Mishpatim 5595 – they were dancing from the midst of great screaming to Hashem Yisburach, with a wondrous song which very much breaks the heart...) – Rabbi Nussun was – in the time of strife, he was in Tirhavitza, they danced with this song (he sings:), “Adeer <Mighty One> U-yoam <Fearsome> viNoaru <and Awesome>, Batzar lee <when I am in difficulty> lichu <to You> ekra <I call>, Hashem lee <is for me> viloa eera <and I will not fear>, lee viloa eera <is for me, and I will not fear>.” they were nebach (pitifully) “bitzar” (in difficulty) – Rabbi Nussun with his men, they were in dire dangers, many fell out, they did not go to Rabbi Nussun'en – they had fear, there were some that had mesiras nefesh (self sacrifice) – who did not look (-pay attention) – one needs parnassa (a livelihood)?! - There is no force in the world that can separate, but that is the way it was then - - (he continues to sing the song).

Ah, “Piday (redeem) amcha (Your nation) mayazim (from the brazen),” the brazen faced – there were so brazen - “piday (redeem) amcha (Your nation) mayazim (from the brazen),” - in Tirhavitza they danced a lot over “piday (redeem) amcha (Your nation) mayazim (from the brazen).”…

(Singing in the way that today is song on the last verses of the song Al Teerah Avdee Yaakov)

“Umar Hashem Li-Yaakov (Hashem said to Jacob),” yeah Tatteh (Father) yeah, yeah Futter (Father) yeah, “Al teerah (do not fear) avdee (my servant) Yaakov,” no Tatteh no, no Futter no, mir hubben dach far kaynim moarah nisht (we have no one to have any fear of), nor (except) far deer alain (from You alone). “Buchar Hashem Bi-Yaakov (Hashem chose Jacob)” - yeah Tatteh yeah, yeah Futter yeah, “Al teerah (do not fear) avdee (my servant) Yaakov,” no Tatteh no, no Futter no, mir hubben dach far kaynim moarah nisht (we have no one to have any fear of), nor (except) far deer alain (from You alone) - -

I remember, we had such a type of arousal, I did not get tired, every piece over again; no – no [no Tatteh no, no Futter no]. It ingrained in me such faith, such faith and joy – (he sings:) “Al teerah (do not fear) avdee (my servant) Yaakov,” no Tatteh no, no Futter no, mir hubben dach far kaynim moarah nisht (we have no one to have any fear of), nor (except) far deer alain (from You alone).

“Gu-al Hashem es Yaakov (Hashem redeemed Jacob),” Yeah Tatteh yeah, yeah Futter yeah, “Al teerah (do not fear) avdee (my servant) Yaakov,” no Tatteh no, no Futter no, mir hubben dach far kaynim moarah nisht (we have no one to have any fear of), nor (except) far deer alain (from You alone).

“Gu-al Hashem es Yaakov (Hashem redeemed Jacob),” ay ay ay – HY redeemed us in every generation – with the Righteous Redeemer, the true redeemer, “Gu-al Hashem es Yaakov!”

(He sings:) “Gu-al Hashem es Yaakov (Hashem redeemed Jacob),” Yeah Tatteh yeah, yeah Futter yeah, “Al teerah (do not fear) avdee (my servant) Yaakov,” no Tatteh no, no Futter no, mir hubben dach far kaynim moarah nisht (we have no one to have any fear of), nor (except) far deer alain (from You alone) - mir hubben dach far kaynim moarah nisht (we have no one to have any fear of), nor (except) far deer alain (from You alone).

This song is such a type of hisbodidus - “mir hubben dach far kaynim moarah nisht (we have no one to have any fear of), nor (except) far deer alain (from You alone)!” This is what we must know when we speak with Hashem Yisburach, meaning; we still have not reached there, we are still far from it, but we long for it, and we say it verbally; “mir hubben dach far kaynim moarah nisht (we have no one to have any fear of), nor (except) far deer alain (from You alone)!”

*

Hisbodidus

Ay ay ay – oy, it is necessary to be strong, oy vay – one must be strong at hisbodidus, and in general with all practices – with all tikunim (rectifications) which the holy Rebbe brought into the world. Every word which went out from the holy Rebbe'n, we must see to it – it is necessary to be a great warrior to keep them – we must adhere to it.

For example, then, in the time of R' Nussun'en there were great antagonists, and even now that there is not great opposition like back then, there are still forces, obstacles from others – and from oneself. The mind is distant, one feels broken, one feels distant, one feels hopeless. After all this – If (when/being that) the Rebbe gave such a shout (* Words of Rabbi Nachman article 153), “Do not despair,” it is so! One must be strong! If (when/being that) the holy Rebbe says “Don't despair” - then particularly the biggest forces surmount to make one despair!… One must be a great geebor (mighty warrior)!

Every word which went out from the holy Rebbe'n, contingent in it is our entire redemption, our entire hope, and the entire rectification – in this (world) and the next!

In this word that the holy Rebbe said, “Do not despair” - there is in this for all the Jews the main hope – goodness! - This is it! Don't despair! And precisely this is the harder than everything. We say it, and we dance… and we go nebach (pitifully) – and we nevertheless despair! It is such a kleepa (evil husk) – HY should save us – just like a dibuk (a soul possessing someone else's body) which possesses a person and does not let him be! He wishes only to make him fall!….

*

And so too hisbodidus, one goes to do hisbodidus – from where do we know of hisbodidus? Does the world know of hisbodidus?! The holy Rebbe told us (*Likutay Moharan vol. 2, Torah 25, Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 68) of the practice of hisbodidus! That for an hour one should be – one should be dead to the world! One should go out to a place - - suddenly one becomes like a dead man!…

Nu, first of all; it is difficult, since this looks like a light matter – to go speak out one's heart before Hashem Yisburach?! We don't make this such an obligation. If (-being that) the holy Rebbe said this for us – this must be a great obligation, just like tefilin! Just like ever mitzvah! Because the holy Rebbe knew that this is our tikun (rectification) in this (world) and the next (*Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 185), our entire redemption! One word, “hisbodidus!”

And already – when one already takes himself up, he already goes to do hisbodidus, and comes to the place where he goes, and desires to say something, desires to be attain something, to feel something – so that I return from the bad way, and similarly - - what everyone has - - the holy Rebbe commanded to pray even for a button that is missing! Rabbi Nussun'en was missing a button. - The holy Rebbe held that we must go clean (-clothing – Life of Rabbi Nachman, articles 201 and 422, and see Likutay Moharan 29:3), that there should not be any button missing, that it (-one's clothing) should not be torn. So he was missing a button, so the holy Rebbe spoke with him about the button, so he said to him that he didn't have anyone to sew for him, so [the Rebbe said – Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 233], “one must pray to HY for this, for such a small thing!” Nu – and we are not prepared to do this, we do not merit to see to fulfilling this.

In any event, when one comes already to do hisbodidus – he becomes like a stone; I don't know! I forgot entirely where I am in the world! I know nothing! Just like a stone! Nu, one must be strong, and say, “Master of the World, Master of the World,” and again - “Master of the World” (*Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 440: Even when one cannot speak in hisbodidus, just the words “Master of the World,” this also is very good).

By the world, this matter is – they cannot understand it, they cannot digest it Instead (of doing hisbodidus) one should sit and learn!… This is the opposite of the world! And it is such a light thing (*see Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 558, brought down in Likutay Halachos, Laws of Arvis 4:7)!… This is not carrying stones – it isn't a heavy burden!…

And this hour of hisbodidus, (Hebrew: all the more so. Yiddish: he who speaks) in the night and in the field – nu, and even if he goes at midnight (/half the night) in hisbodidus – midnight?! On this the litigator (-evil inclination – Satan) rises against without limit! Whether it be getting up, and when one already gets up, he is in darkness, one cannot open the mouth.

The holy Rebbe said (*Likutay Moharan, vol. 2, Torah 101), it is possible to speak out the heart by chatzos (-midnight rectifcation) like hisbodidus! One can speak out his heart before Hashem Yisburach with every word of chatzos (-midnight rectification)! And so too regarding Psalms! And the Pslams by us – and the chatzos by us is like – it is sleepy! However if one is strong, and does not budge - - I will not let up! One hour on the clock! I must stand one hour! I will say some word, I will beg Hashem Yisburach that He should give me words – I must stand one hour (* see Likutay Moharan, vol. 2, Torah 25)!

*

And so with every word of the holy Rebbe'n! And we nebach (pitifully) – receive this like some matter of chasidus (piety) – no! All the things that left the holy Rebbe's mouth – this is what the holy Rebbe gave us, this is such gifts – we don't know what this is! However, if one is strong at this - -

For example, R' Yisroel (Karduner o.b.m.) - was it not the same by him as by me?! He also had – it was also hard for him!

'Hisbodidus' – every practice of the holy Rebbe'n, every devotion of serving Hashem – every matter of holiness comes with difficulty (* see Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 185: And everything that he commanded to do, even if it appeared to be an easy thing and very simple, it was extremely heavy on the person to do, and it had resting on it all types of heaviness, and it had on it many, many impediments, even though it was a simple thing)! Just that we bind ourselves to the holy Rebbe'n, to do what the holy Rebbe commands – the entire world is the opposite! What is this?! To go out in the field at night?! Hisbodidus?! To speak out one's heart before Hashem Yisburach?!….

Nu, even chasidim – of Litvaks (-stemming from Lithuania – the Yeshiva system) there is nothing to talk about – but even chasidim know nothing at all of this! Because it is concealed and hidden from all the worlds! Even great tzaddikim, great tzaddikim! However, opposite Rebbe'n?! There is not even - - like the peel of garlic (* see Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 290)! Even extremely great tzaddikim – true ones! From frauds there is nothing to talk of, I am speaking of true tzaddikim! However, against the holy Rebbe'n – if they knew of the secret of the holy Rebbe'n, they would have become like Rabbi Nussun – they would run after the Rebbe to guide them, so that the holy Rebbe should bring them! Because the holy Rebbe taught us a way – not to stand! No standing! (*See Likutay Halachos, Orach Chaim, Laws of Tefilin 5:9).

The world, goes about like that – even chatzos (-midnight), or early in the morning, nu, that is his practice all the seventy years, there is not by him; more or less. This is a type of fixity – your Torah is fixed, fixity! He is accustomed to this that it is necessary to pray!… No! I have seen how the world prays – and how R' Yisroel prayed! He was unique!

*

And I grew up between men of (good) deeds, chasidim, frum (-Heaven fearing), nu – however, this is a new way, the way of the holy Rebbe'n is a new way, one goes to do hisbodidus – this is the old way (*See The Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 392. And the introduction to Outpouring of the Soul: he renewed this holy old way which our fathers from time immemorial traversed, and he engaged copiously in prayer, and entreaty, and hisbodidus in the fields and forests, as it will be told further on of his holy practices, see there). However, the holy Rebbe said, “I brought down such gateways of prayer that never were since the day of the creation of the world! This I think is already printed in the books (* see something similar in Bayur Halikutim on Likutay Moharan 9:5. And see Koachvay Ohr, The Men of Rabbi Nachman, article 25:3 regarding Likutay Tefilos). The Rebbe said this – that he brought down such gateways of prayer which never were in the world!….

Nu, one sees the Likutay Teflilos (Collection of Prayers – composed by Rabbi Nussun, built on the holy teachings of Rabbi Nachman) – let us see, let us take all the prayers which were in the world since the day of the creation of the world, if there are such (prayers) like Likutay Tefilos!….

Ay ay ay, and from where did Rabbi Nussun take the Likutay Tefilos? All from Rebbe'n! The holy Rebbe commanded him! And so too the Likutay Halachos (Collection of Laws – explanation of the meaning and working of the Laws of the Shulchan Aruch based on the teachings of Rabbi Nachman), his novelty – all from what the holy Rebbe ordained him…

*

[Returning to the first topic, to the songs which he received from his mentor R' Yisroel o.b.m.]

[In the prayer book it is written (in the song “Elijah the Prophet, which is song Saturday night after Shabbos), “Eliyahu the prophet, Eliyahu the Tishbee, Eliyahu the Gilaadee.” And he said the opposite, he said, “Eliyahu the Gilaadee – Eliyahu the Tishbee!” I wanted to ask him, and I didn't ask him – what is this difference.

(He sings some of the verses of the song Elijah the Prophet).

Perhaps one should say the way it is written in the prayerbook, so that there shouldn't be – so that there shouldn't be a deviance. He said it like that, and I always wanted to ask him why he deviated, and I didn't ask him, and until today I don't know what this is].

This is the way it is, when a person lives – he thinks – I still do no know this – I have nothing to rush, he thinks that there is still time. Years go by nebach (pitifully), and he doesn't merit to what he should…

It Is A Great Mitva To Be Joyous Always

The holy Rebbe does not let us be sad. “Sadness and Laziness” these are two extreme destroyers (*See Likutay Moharan, Torah 189, condensed in Likutay Aitzos, entry of Joy, article 23 which call them the main bite of the snake) - - and nebach (pitifully) we fall into sadness – and into lethargy… and therefore we don't have vitality in our Judaism the way it should be.

Furthermore, the holy Rebbe warned us; not only – not to have sadness and laziness, but – to be happy! Just like in the Legendary Tales (*Story #13 – The Seven Beggars, at the beginning) it is written – that the king told him (-his son); “In the stars I see that in the future you will descend from the monarchy, you should see to it that you should not have any sadness – just be joyous!” First of all – no sadness – this [for sure not], So what then? On the contrary – even more so – he should be happy!

Nu, the holy Rebbe says – just to be always happy (* Likutay Moharan, vol. 2, Torah 24). Nu, if so it is a mitzva! The holy Rebbe speaks so much about joy, and Rabbi Nussun in Likutay Halachos, and Likutay Aitzos (-remedies, directives), what the Rebbe says in The Words of Rabbi Nachman – in the Words of Rabbi Nachman there are such words about joy, that it appears that it is already impossible - - how is it possible to part from this?! Nu, and the becheera (free choice) is so great, and we don't know - - the holy Rebbe brought this down as a way!

*

Hisbodidus When One Doesn't Have Words

Hisbodidus, good – it can happen – when things are bad by me, I'll go do hisbodidus one time, but every day for an hour?!….

R' Shlomo Wexler was a holy man and a talmid chuchum (Torah scholar) – a true talmid chuchum, and I saw by him such – he was such a believer – he had such faith – I was amazed! I saw him, so I saw that I stand completely outside! I heard his faith, I was totally nullified!

And R' Shlomo told me that he can not do hisbodidus!… He doesn't have words!…. Nu, I am also in the same predicament… but I knew a Jew that had hisbodidus, with so many tears, with so many words, that he had to force himself to stop, (because) he had to go pray (-the regular set prayers)!…

That is – the Talmud (*Brachos 6b) says that prayer is from the “matters that stand at the height of the world and people denigrate them!” And who mentioned (-all the more so) “hisbodidus”?! To go and speak out one's heart before Hashem Yisburach – this thing is not like the prayers – the morning prayer or Musaf - - Nu, we are not strong enough in this, and we lose nebach (pitifully) because of this all the vitality! This is our entire vitality!…

I remember, R' Naftoli Cohn (-a Breslover chusid in Jerusalem, the father in law of R' Avrohom the son of R' Nachman Tulchin, in his second marriage) told me – I used to complain to him that I cannot have any hisbodidus, I have no words – I go, and I am like a stone! So he told me, “If (-when) you will say a lot of Likutay Tefilos you will be able to have hisbodidus! Because the Likutay Tefilos is a “lesson” of hisbodidus – it is course how to have hisbodidus!” He said to me, “If you want to have mercy on yourself – if you want to be able to have hisbodidus, you should say a lot of Tefilos!”

The holy Rebbe reveals HY's greatness (*see Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 284)! And through the holy Rebbe'n one knows of the greatness of HY! And without him – one knows nothing!

Yeah, there are things that seem trivial, and one doesn't seek them so strongly, and this is a great principle. For example – hisbodidus, it is an easy thing, and it is such a necessary thing, and one doesn't have time… because when one needs money – then if I spend an hour or two then I will profit – even if I have something else to do. Nu, but this?!

Nu, it is apparent that the Rebbe really wanted that we have a set lesson of hisbodidus, both, in place and in time! Time – the main time is midnight (*Likutay Moharan, end of Torah 54), but if one has a different time – it should be fixed (-set)! So that when the time comes – I am busy!…

For example, today – I didn't know fifty years ago that which I know now, I am embarrassed - - the Likutay Moharan, or the Likutay Tefilos – it was not like this. Why? If I would have had R' Yisroel – then I would have – but I didn't have whom – I was an orphan, I remained alone! However it does not go lost – the longing with the desiring.

And now that the Master of the World gives me life – I see now retroactively – how precious the simple avoada (-devotion) is, even without vitality! And even if it seems to me that I stand outside – completely distant.

*

The Joy of Shabbos

- “The Joy of Shabbos,” the joy of Shabbos, I saw such joy! But I – even until today I toil so that I should be happy! Because the holy Rebbe warned so much about joy – even in middle of the week, who mentioned Shabbos?! (*see Likutay Moharan, vol. 2, Torah 17, summarized in Likutay Aitzos, entry of Shabbos, article 20, and 19). Shabbos is – such a kind of holy da'as (realization of knowledge), like the joy of Shabbos – this is such holy moachin (“brains” - higher consciousness), extremely – what I saw with the (-my) eyes, eye to eye (-clearly in front of me).

Nu, and we are nebach (pitifully) outside, it is hard! Why is it so hard to be happy?! On Shabbos one can still certainly be happy, one also has good food… (*see Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 155 – even a simple homeowner is happy on Shabbos with his fish and soup…). And we don't have work, and it is forbidden to think about any work and business, and no worries – nothing!

And so nebach we stray, without Rebbe'n we stray! Although one is a Breslover chussid, but it is possible nebach to stray so and sleep all the years – and be a Breslover! One doesn't give heart (-pay attention), one doesn't have true mercy on himself.

*

[Returns to the previous topic of hisbodidus without words]

So what?! So even if one goes to have hisbodidus – and does not have any words, he spends an hour and does not have any words! I just said, “Master of the World!” I gave a krechtz (-groan-sigh)! And the krechtz was also pitifull – not from deep in the heart the way it should be, just lethargic. I toil, toil, but this doesn't go lost! Precisely this word is not lost! (*see Ullim Litrufah, letter from Monday, Torah portion of Bihaaloaschu 5590 – no word is lost, nor even a solitary good desire). It seems to us, thata if we say with hislahavus (-fiery enthusiasm), with strength (-conviction), nu, this I understand! But plainly?!

Nu, certainly, the tachlis (-ultimate) is that we feel the vitality, the main thing is that we feel the vitality. However, it does not go to waste! Not any step – when one goes to have hisbodidus – I couldn't have any hisbodidus, but I fulfilled the hour, that I should be misbodaid to Hashem Yisburach, I should speak before Him, so whatever we do, we need to be strong at it! And we must believe! If (-being that) the holy Rebbe so commanded to do – we must do so! And for us this is big tikun (rectification)! Yeah.

And so too all the devotions – not to fall! If nebach – we feel that we still have not purified the body's desires, and we still haven't killed the yetzehr hura (evil inclination) - - and we can kill him! With the power of the holy Rebbe'n we can kill him!… - - Nu, how do I have a face to speak to Hashem Yisburach – to speak out my heart?! When I see that I am still completely not the way I should be?! Not to mention from the holy Rebbe'n – from the holy Rebbe'n I am extremely far! When (-if) I was close to him – the more I am close to him, and the more one fulfills with simplicity his holy practices – his holy words – even a hairbreadth, a very simple thing – what he commands, we must be strong with it, to give over my mind, (if) he commands to do so – what do I care?! I must do so!… Yeah, like that! And this does not go to waste, this is taken up together (-accumulates) - -

For example, when I came (-drew close) to R' Yisroel'n. Nu, on the first day I already felt everything? I already knew everything? And nevertheless – who gave me strength from the first day to remain standing against such opposers – against such hardships?! Apparently HY had mercy and gave me to already feel. But it is still not what - -

When I heard R' Yisroel say Psalms or prayers, I pondered, “How is it possible for me to attain this?! How can one achieve it?! My eyes were blackened – how does one reach this?! To such a kind of devotion?! To such a kind of life?! How?! Now I see that – it is possible! One must just believe! - From where did he become like this?! From Rebbe'n! Nu, whoever wants, receives from Rebbe'n! According to his will, according to his life!….

It is not relevant to say, “Once there was R' Yisroel” - or other novelties from our fellow chassidim – such holy (-said in Yiddish) people, such holy (-said in Hebrew) people, like the holy Rebbe [makes with] his men. Certainly there are levels, however the smallest (*see Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 314 – the lowest of my men I bring him in the way of a very great tzaddik) – according to his will, according to his mesiras nefesh (-self sacrifice), and according to the adherence to the holy Rebbe!

*

Parnasa [-Livelihood]

By the holy Rebbe'n someone once complained about parnasa – he needed parnasa. So the holy Rebbe said, “How does he have a heart – is there nothing more to worry about just over parnasa?! (*see Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 240: “I don't know how you have such a heart to confuse me with the vanities of this world…” see there). And he said – that bread and cucumbers is a good meal! Meaning – eat what is absolutely vital. A piece of bread with a piece of cucumber! Necessities! Nu, so what?! Over necessities one doesn't need to be involved – one doesn't need to spend so much time, so many worries – a piece of bread with a cucumber!… But nebach so it is with everything – housing, with clothing.

The Rav of Tcherin (-a disciple of Rabbi Nussun, author of many Breslov books) – was such a gaon (-genius) and such a tzaddik, I heard that he lived in his house like the biggest pauper! With necessities! With great constriction! Yeah. He had good money, he was a gaon, he was the head of the court (-bais din), yeah. And he could have lived however he pleased. No! He lived in a house like a poor man, with necessities! Yeah.

*

I saw, HY gave me, that I have no talents, I have no talents, and HY wanted it that way, and I was not content, I had a question on HY – Why didn't you give me to be smart, then I could have accomplished something – then I could have drawn close more people. Nu, it is all nonsense! All the questions – Does a person know what gilgul (previous life) he was?! - What he must fix in the few years on this with world?!…

R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.

This is a great fundamental – the humility, what one does not merit by the Rebbe'n is not bisaidehr (in order)! He is humble – but there are many types of humility…. Just like truth – there are all types of truth, so it is with every trait.

But by R' Yisroel r.i.p. - I saw such – to be an oavaid (server of) Hashem – and to be such an “eppess” (zero), such an “ain” (nothing), such an “eppess” - “gorenisht” (absolutely nothing)! How can such a thing exist in the world?! How can it be?! This is only in the power of the holy Rebbe'n! (*see Likutay Halachos, Yoreh Daya, Laws of Orla, 5:7). The power of the holy Rebbe'ns toaroas (holy teachings) is such – that one runs away from the vanities of this world! (*see Likutay Moharan, Torah 157).

What is “gadlus” (haughtiness)? One has pleasure that another holds from him – he has a name (-reputation) in the world!… And he was so pure from this, just like the holy Rebbe said, that it is necessary to purify the body like a pelt – a pelt has such a odor of a carcass, but it is worked upon so much – that it even has a good smell! In this way the holy Rebbe desired that we purify the body! (*see Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 234).

Nu, does anyone think about this?! I saw one person, seventy years ago I saw one person - - I have seen other Breslover chassidim – a merchant, a Breslover chussid, he believes in the holy Rebbe'n, however – this world is also a world…. By him (R' Yisroel) it was - - he had purified the body – such! He did not give the body any delights - - “bread” with a little “tea,” without sugar….

(Someone asks: Mamash (really) that is the way he ate all the meals? How is it possible to live with this, three times a day bread and water?!) I saw this! I was with him five years, I was with him regularly together, regularly – in the house and in the field, I did not leave him – I saw everything! That is “sheemush” (-attending to a Sage, which is considered more important than actually learning Torah from him), in “sheemush” there is also all levels – when one comes around once a month, this is also considered sheemush – this is also considered a disciple! However, it depends on what one wants to receive! I went (Hebrew: preoccupied/consumed/desired in) all my life; when will I [also] merit to say Likutay Tefilos like that?! When will I merit to such light like he saw [Hebrew: merited]?!

I was standing once by Rabbi Shimon's (Bar Yochai) tzion (tomb) – what can I tell you! He was standing in a pond of water! In a pond of water! One who doesn't know me may say, “this is not – it is a lie, he is a lier, he tells over such things which are impossible to be in the world!” Yeah, I saw this! Whoever wants to accept it will accept it, whoever doesn't, won't – what can I do?! I saw this!… I stood here, and he was standing here – on the side, and I saw this, I thought to myself, “Master of the World, how can I come to this?! When?! What?! How?!” I also wished to merit to such crying before Hashem Yisburach!

He cried so much before Hashem Yisburach. Why did he cry? He wanted to know (“recognize” - Hebrew and Yiddish for “knowing” someone) Hashem Yisburach! He wanted to merit to what a Jew should merit! That is the crying!….

Nu, and we know that there is such an ability – such a type of light in the world, one can be cleansed, and one must be a geebor (mighty warrior)!

Nu, thank G-d – I am not bragging about his, I don't deserve anything for this. For such a thing must cost money, it must cost strength, it must cost honor, it must cost the entire… (*see Likutay Moharan, vol. 2, Torah 46 regarding the length and breadth of the impediments and obstacles that one must surmount). Yeah.

Ah, ay ay ay, I saw one mentch (man – R' Yisroel Karduner), a Jew, a pauper! He worked?! He had parnasa (a livelihood)?! Had a store?! What?! - And he lived with faith and trust, without worries! With a settled mind – without confusion! He lived every second – all with hashgacha (Divine Providence) from Hashem Yisburach!

*

The pain that he had, through which he came to Tiberius (* as recounted elsewhere, that R' Yisroel Karduner was in Meron, when Saba started screaming to HY to send him a Breslover Chassid, and then R' Yisroel got terrible arthritic pains which did not allow him to pray or study, and eventually he understood that this was a message for him to go to Tiberius) – by him there wasn't stam (-for no reason - arbitrary) pain no! It is intentional from Hashem Yisburach, it is hashgacha (Divine Providence), it is a tikun (rectification) for him, yeah. However, he was unable to pray and learn! It was such pain, as if one takes a living person and cut off pieces of flesh! He wasn't able to endure! And he didn't attribute this to any natural cause, he attributed it to hashgacha from Hashem Yisburach – it is for the good, and he didn't see the good, he didn't know what it was.

In short, thoughts that he should travel to Tiberius entered him, perhaps it will not be so painful for him, and he will be able to pray and learn. It was bad in his eye, it worked out that way – HY wanted that he should come to Tiberius to Yisroel Ber'n!

- I don't get tired! Every time I remember this, I renew myself! I see that such a story – there are a lot of nice stories – but such a story?! This is from the holy Rebbe'ns miracles! From the holy Rebbe'ns wonders!

I was in Tiberius, I was born in Tiberius, I had heard of all the chassidus, and from Breslov I had not heard of, and did not know. And HY desired that I should come (-draw close) - - first He brought about circumstances that I should know that there is Breslov in the world, and afterwards – I prayed. So HY took R' Yisroel'n and banished him – He removed him against his will (Yiddish: with givald)! In Meron?! He had the place, one person alone, hisbodidus between the mountains! And outside of (/aside from) the tzion (tomb – of Rashbi) – his avoada (devotions) were there! Because the main thing by our people is just to hide the avoada (devotion)! Concealed, so that it should clean, stark truth, pristine, crystal truth!

And besides this – concealed – just like the holy Rebbe is a secret, the holy Rebbe is concealed - - the holy Rebbe poured rivers – by R' Yisroel there was a river – but the holy Rebbe poured rivers of tears, rivers of tears! (*see the Introduction to Outpouring of the Soul, the Practices of Rabbi Nachman – an account and description of how so many tears flowed from Rabbainu's eyes etc. see there) Where does one get this?!

We do not hear such of any tzaddik! What he poured rivers of tears before Hashem Yisburach – over every thread (/hairsbreadth) of Judaism – over every thread (/hairsbreadth). (*see Outpouring of the Soul there).

Nu, but he merited to such a type of holy wisdom so that he knows – every soul of Israel in every generation and generation – he knows what he is missing, and what he needs, and how to help him – how to save him – how to purify him from the vanities of this world! (*see Ullim Litrufah, letter from Tuesday, Torah Portion of Yisro, 5602: And I know and truly believe, that our master, leader and rabbi knows well, in general and particular, everything that is done with all the souls in every generation, from the day G-d created man on the earth until now and until the final end, and he knows all the rectifications of each and every one, and all this knowledge are a small matter by him, for he attained Divine conception which are impossible to grasp in ones mind at all etc..).

*

I saw one mentch (-man – R' Yisroel) who purified himself from this world, he had a wife and children, and he was in this world – a body! Nu, he lived a life of the world to come! Of the future! Of the world of Messiah!….

It is no wonder why I held by him, for I had searched from childhood, I searched, so HY had mercy on me, and I found out about this, and I beseeched for this, and afterwards HY took out R' Yisroel'n from Meron and brought him to Tiberius, and from the donkey – straight to me, and from me – straight into the sea (*he went with Saba to the synagogue of the disciples of the Besh”t which was partially submerged in the waters of Sea of Galilee).

*

Oy oy oy, and I know for myself, everyone knows for themselves, I had miracles and wonders, from the Rebbe'ns wonders – I had miracles and wonders!

By the world, a sincere Jew – what (-calls for) more publicity. There was a Karliner – the Karliner (chassidim) scream by the prayers, so he screamed louder. In any event I was told that he is such – such a holy man, such. So he was by me holy of the holies, And when I saw him, I looked upon his image – on his face – for a segula, so that I would have fear of Heaven like him…

I saw that without Rebbe'n – one can be a lamdan (-skilled scholar), and one can be - - it isn't it! G-d forbid – I don't say, however what one can merit through the holy Rebbe'n!…

*

The Holy Books of Rabbainu Hakadosh

Then there were no airplanes, it was necessary to travel by ship for a month or two, it was dangerous to travel by ship. Nu, today that there are airplanes, nu, one can't travel to America except by airplane, that is – if one wants to be in America within four hours – without an airplane it is not possible.

Similarly if one wants to draw close to the holy Rebbe'n, wants to have mercy on himself – one must obey him! Like he teaches us! And there is already everything that we need; the Likutay Moharan, the Likutay Tefilos, the Likutay Halachos, it is already here! There everyone finds what he is missing, and what is not good by him, and what he needs! And so in every Torah (-holy teaching) – not to mention that there are already so many toaroas (-holy teachings)!

I always thought – I saw so many holy books of Rebbe'n, the Likutay Halachos on the four Shulchan Aruch (-Code of Jewish Law), the pages of yore were thick pages… so I thought “N'achal N'oavaya M'ikor C'huchmu” (-Brook Gushing from the Source of Wisdom - an appellation of Rabbi Nachman, especially based on the acronym which spells out Nachman) – so many books! It is a fountain! However, afterwards I came (to the realization) – by myself, not that I received this from someone, I felt this – that every word which went out from Rebbe'n – from Rabbi Nussun'en – is a “Nachal Noavaya Mikor Chuchmu!”….

*

[Returning to the earlier topic of R' Shlomo Wexler complaining that he doesn't have words for hisbodidus]

I wondered – even though I was in the same predicament – I am unable to do hisbodidus, I don't have words, I am far from this. I go and arrive to do hisbodidus, and I am like a stone, it doesn't go. What does one do?! To leave? To sit, not to sit, to leave? What do I have from this?! No, one definitely has from this!

And R' Shlomo – he was such a man of truth, he had the honor of the world, he had – the entire city of Jerusalem. Jerusalem is not an ordinary city, in Jerusalem there are oavday (devoted servers of) Hashem, great scholars, and R' Shlomo was unique in Jerusalem – unique in Jerusalem! Everyone – when R' Shlomo's name was mentioned there was - -

[continuation of the topic of hisbodidus without words]

- - Another hour, and another hour. And it accumulates, and eventually HY has mercy – HY sees that he truly desires, and one does not let up, one does not doubt Him (-”think after Him”) - -

Rabbi Nussun said this! I said this?! Rabbi Nussun said so! Rabbi Nussun said, when one has no words for hisbodidus he should sit and yearn. And eventually, if he is yearning and he is strong in will – he will merit it! (*see Likutay Halachos, Laws of Robbery 5:23, and Ullim Litrufah, letter from Wednesday, Torah Portion of Mishpatim 5602: Everyone has to go with this, that is, to begin to be quiet and silent before Hashem Yisburach with tremendous yearning to Him Blessed He, and with great mercy on himself “that I became so distant to the extent that I don't know at all from where to begin to speak etc.” and Hashem Yisburach is always full of compassion, and will usually have mercy on him and open the mouth (-give words) to someone mute like yourself etc..).

And the holy Rebbe also speaks a lot about this (*see Likutay Moharan, vol. 2, Torah 25, brought down in the beginning of Outpouring of the Soul, article 2), the holy Rebbe - -

*

[Regarding the story of his drawing close, how he found the book Outpouring of the Soul]

And from this book I saw wonders, from this that HY helped me, I found in the garbage the Outpouring of the Soul, something of such Divine Providence of the Creator! I reflect upon this now, at the time it happened one thinks, it is a natural occurrence, I saw in the shaimos (-repository for torn and ruined holy objects) – there happened to be an Outpouring of the Soul… however, now I see in hindsight what this was – clear hashgacha (Divine Providence)!…

How did I leave - - they were tzaddikim, holy people, like such. Nu, there came one, a pauper (R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.) - - I didn't hear that he had a name (-reputation)… but this story was with me, I saw such - -

Even though I was still completely outside then, this was the first night, but he shined into my heart his holy words, such as I never heard all my life – (repeats himself in Hebrew:) - all the days of my life.

Nu, one learns out from this the great strength of the truth, It is such, what the truth – what strength it has!

*

[Continuing about hisbodidus without words]

When one serves HY, when one goes to have hisbodidus – this is the main avoada (devotion), and this is a fundamental of all Judaism! In this hour we are wretched! One must have mesiras nefesh (-self sacrifice) for this. One must choose for himslef a place, which will be a place, whether in a field – or in a settled place, but he should be prepared to speak before Hashem Yisburach!

And if he is unable to speak, then – yearning, “Master of the World, I want to speak out my heart before You!” With simplicity and temimus (-wholeheartedness). Eventually he will merit!

One thinks, one desires to merit to an hour, I want to see, I beg, even when I already have words – I beseech for something, I don't see, on the contrary – it is only worse, or I know <not> what is, I don't see anything - -

Things are happening! When one sets up to cook soup – immediately he has the soup already?! It continues along a lot - - cooking, cooking, cooking, cooking… (*see Likutay Moharan, Torah 2:6, and see Likutay Aitzos, entry of Prayer, article 3, brought down in Outpouring of the Soul, article 49).

Certainly – on one foot (-instantly)?! One needs to have patience! When one has faith and trust – just like physical (matters) – one needs to have faith and trust for spiritual matters as well!…. (*see Ullim Litrufah, Letter of Rabbi Nussun from Sunday, Torah Portion of Va-yaitzay 5597, and at greater length in Likutay Halachos, Laws of Sending Away From the Nest 5:2 and onwards).

*

[You know – it is befitting that I tell you - - all this what I tell you – nebach (pitifully, unfortunately) – HY knows the truth, it is embarrassing to speak out before people nebach how we look (-appear), how can he help me. Even R' Yisroel (Karduner o.b.m.) who could have helped me, he did not want to hear, if I wanted to tell him something personal – no! This is only before the true tzaddik - “veedoy devurim (-confession)!” (*see Likutay Moharan, Torah 4:5, summarized practically in Likutay Aitzos, entry of Repentance, article 1: The main rectification of all sins is through the true tzaddik, and whoever desires to merit to a good end for eternity, needs to endeavor with all his strength to draw close to true tzaddikim and their disciples, and tell over before the tzaddik all his heart, that is “veedoy devurim (confession),” and through this all his sins are forgiven, because the sins of a person are engraved on his bones etc., and through veedoy devurim before the sage the engraved letters leave his bones and everything is fixed).

*

Against what do I say this?! Yeah, one needs to be stubborn, one needs to be strong. The holy Rebbe said: The main might is in the heart! (*see Likutay Moharan, 249 and vol. 2, Torah 43, summarized practically in Likutay Aitzos, entry of Hischazkus (strengthening), article 24: The main might is in the heart, for whoever has a strong heart isn't afraid of any person or anything, and he can do mighty awesome things and conquer strong battles through the strength and courage of his heart, for he does not fear, and runs to the knot (/intensity) of the fierce battle, and it is mamash the same thing with the service of Hashem, and understand this well). Through this one wins all wars! One needs to be a geebor (-mighty warrior) – one needs to be a geebor.

Similarly, the man who desires to purify himself from all the vanities of this world, then he is – the opposite of the world!… He must wage war with the whole world!… He must stand (Hebrew: prepared) – with mind, with da'as (realization of knowledge) – it is not congruous with the world, it is the exact opposite!…

*

I am like this – I am embarrassed to speak out how I look (-appear), what is going on with me. However this is the pure truth! I speak of this, not “I” tell you – I tell you “hisbodidus” - - so it suggests that I already probably - - I am nebach (-pitifully, unfortunately) – I stan completely outside, I am embarrassed to speak out how far – also it is forbidden to say. However, when one hears more – the holy Rebbe commanded, “receive from one another (Targum Yonason Ben Uziel on Isaiah 6:3 and incorporated in the daily prayers)!” (*see Likutay Moharan 34:8 how everyone is required to speak with their friend about fear of Heaven). So what I tell (Hebrew: to what I want to achieve), what I yearn for all my years, I have still not merited to it, however one must talk about it – one must yearn, and must worry, one must see to achieving this, One must! One must! However, not G-d forbid – “I stand nicely, I have already achieved this….”

*

I will tell over to you “extra” about R' Shlomo (Wexler o.b.m.) - he said that he can't have any hisbodidus… such a Jew, a holy man, such a type of eating, sleeping, such a type - - sitting on (-completey committed, devoted, and engaged in) the Torah and avoada (-devotion to Hashem). Not for money, he had absolutely no knowledge from any money of the world. Every person – even an oavaid (-devoted server of) Hashem, even still one goes to a yeshiva, something, one needs to have parnasa (livelihood)! He – money was absolutely nothing! HY brought about that they would send him from Germany – he had family there – they knew that R' Shlomo is a holy man, so they sent him.

Such a R' Shlomo – could it occur to me that R' Shlomo was unable to do hisbodidus – with him being such a holy man?! I saw that this troubled his entire existence… he can't have hisbodidus!…

*

[continuation of the description of the prayer of R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.]

And R' Yisroel (Karduner o.b.m.) - he was such a type of crier, I told over to you – by Rabbi Shimon (bar Yochai), what I saw (-standing in a pool of tears). However, he regularly poured forth tears, it happened to be that I saw – one time I saw – so it happened….

He was a crier, he used to cry so much before Hashem Yisburach, like a – more than a child that cries, “give me this, give me this!”… (Yiddish?: I used to go! I used to go!. Hebrew: my heart mamash poured out inside of me).

*

(* The following description is about what he told over elsewhere, that once he went with R' Yisroel Karduner and suddenly there was a tremendous thunderstorm, a flash flood, and it took them hours of laborious trekking through deep mud and rain to reach a farmer's house, wet and weary to the bone. Even still R' Yisroel prayed the evening services with full intensity, and said the complete order of the Shema before going to sleep, giving an accounting to HY, and at midnight, Saba who was much younger and yet completely exhausted and unable to move, witnessed R' Yisroel get up out of bed and proceed to pray and learn Torah).

This I saw, his praying, I stood by the door, halfway out, if I will already not be able to be in the house I can go out! I was with him, I already had fear that after the pre=ayer he will already not be in the world!… He will go out (Hebrew: die)!

I saw by pisookay dizimra (the second part of the morning prayer which is comprised of verses mostly from Psalms) – I had fear, by the blessing of the recital of Shema (-the third part of the morning prayer), I heard him say “Shema (-hear o') Yisroel” - - in any event, “Baruch Shem (Blessed is the name – a verse said immediately after Shema), I hear a koal (-voice- sounding), I hear that he is alive…

Nu, I tell this over to you – this prayer which was then by the moashava (-early Israeli colony), that the rain happened to him, with the flood, and we had miracles, I saw such mesiras nefesh (-self sacrifice) – supernatural! How is it possible – I cannot move with any limb, after such a day, after such - - that he should get up for midnight?! And make such a prayer?!

I came – I got up, I wasn't able! But I was lying on spikes, I heard such a chatzos (-midnight prayer) – can I shoyn (-already...) sleep?! Can I shoyn (-already…) lay down?! Nu, I fortified myself with all my

strength and I got up, I sat by the table. He had (by him) candles with matches, this was a precious commodity, and he sat by the candle with a holy book, I approached, I saw his face, fear and shame fell upon me - - and the tiles there where he was sitting were trembling – the table with the chairs, yeah.

*

I want to go out, I want to be better, a person wants to improve, particularly when one is close to the holy Rebbe'n, one knows how one should be. One desires, one yearns, but what do you do?! - The body doesn't let up! The body wants its own (interest)!

I saw – he did not eat anything, just bread with tea! A lion does not roar except from a trough of straw (-the Talmud in Brachos 32a – trough of meat) – a lion when he satiates himself with meat – he roars! The body, when it is given a piece of bread – bread with tea – it is entirely something else!

However the body desires – it is hard to be exempt… it wants this and wants that – it wants everything!

The Rebbe'ns mother had complaints (/arguments) on him; How is he alive?! How does he exist in the world when he doesn't eat anything at all?! So she asked – how is he alive?! So he told her, “Byme there are men that they live with life-wisdom - that they can live – with life-wisdom in this world! (*see Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 238, and see further regarding this in Words of Rabbi Nachman, articles 181 and 306, and in the Words after the Legendary Tales, and Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 75).

***

R' Nussun son of Pinchas Yihoshua Bitelmacher o.b.m.

By R' Nussun Bitelmacher (the second husband of the righteous lady, Gittelle r.i.p., after she was widowed from R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.) - he didn't have any children l.u. (-not upon us), he sat (-lived, settled) with a wife and did not have any children. He married Gittelleh, so when I would come to Jerusalem I would be by Gittelle'n – by R' Nussun'en, I had everything! This is something else altogether! I would sit with him by the table, I would see his movements (/motions), with his words – this is something else altogether!

He was – it wasn't R' Yisroel – but it was - -

His father was R' Pinchas Yehoshua, R' Pinchas Yehoshua was from R' Nussun's disciples, he was a great man (-a man of greatness) – and truth… from the factory... (*see The Days of Rabbi Nussun, article 38, that Rabbi Nachman said of himself that he is the factory of Judaism).

And this R' Nussun – he was his father – when he would speak of his father, when he would speak of R' Pinchas Yehoshua – I heard that he is passing out!

In short, he was in wonder – what he say by his father, and he felt that he is far from everything - - he had seen such things.

(Someone asks: Do you remember some stories of R' Pinchas Yehoshua?) I heard but I no longer remember, I heard a bit about him – from our men – from R' Nussun'en. (Someone asks: Was he a lamdan?) Yeah, certainly, he was a lamdan (-skilled scholar) – and he was a buckee (-extremely proficient) in Tanach (-Torah, Nevee'im Kesoovim – all the written Torah – scriptures) – by heart! Ands he was a “chuchum atik” (-enormous sage), a very big “bar da'as” (-someone with practical comprehension), and truth - - this is a different sort, this is something else entirely…

However, all of this is from the power of the holy Rebbe'n – from Rabbi Nussun'en.

*

The Fundamental and the Foundation That Everything is Contingent Upon

We know of the Likutay Moharan – do you remember Torah 123?! Where the holy Rebbe says like this: Hu-eekar <the fundamental> viha-yisoad <and the foundation> shehakol <that everything> tuloy <is contingent> boa <on it>… (to bind himself to the tzaddik of the generation)” Nu, one can traverse and say this, and learn it, and - - yeah. “And to accept his words on everything he says that it is so” - when learning this Torah one must give heart well (-pay good attention), and look good upon every word, this is not stam (-plain, ordinary) a chidush (-novel concept), this is for us - - that the holy Rebbe says, “The fundamental and the foundation that everything is contingent upon” …

- - “To bind himself to the tzaddik of the generation!” And this we know that the “tzaddik of the generation” - - the world, when they learn this – this one runs to the Rebbe of Gur, this one runs to Slunim… the tzaddik of the generation! Go tell him… but the Breslover Chasidim know however - - a person looks here - “the tzaddik of the generation” - go figure, there is some sort of tzaddik of the generation – but this is referring and denotes the holy Rebbe'n! Like he said (*Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 258)– that he is the manhig (-leader-conducter) of the generation! - He is the tzaddik of the generation! Yeah. And he knew how much we need him, so he had mercy on us, and let us know that the fundamental and the foundation of that everything is contingent upon – what we are missing – everything is here! Everything is contingent on him!

“To bind oneself to the tzaddik of the generation, and to accept his words on everything he say that it is so! - A small matter” - - he speaks out explicitly, and this is all hints for us - “A small matter and a big matter! And not to veer to the right or left, like our Rabbis o.b.m. said (Sifrey, Torah portion of Shoftim), even if he says to you of the right: left” - that is, according to our perception it appears to us - - even if it seems to us that it isn't - - for example, hisbodidus, by the world this is considered – he goes to have hisbodidus?! What will be with Torah?! When will he learn (-study)?! Upon this place he will learn! What will you have from this?! This is “even if he says to you of the right: left!”… And similar things, and similar things, and similar things….

*

[Returning to speak of R' Nussun Bitalmacher o.b.m.]

And R' Nussun (Bitalmacher – mentioned above) I saw his motions, and his countenance, and his speech – I saw - - so when I traveled away returning to Tiberius, his word rested inside my heart, what I saw, the facial expressions, how he yearned for the true tachlis (-purpose, end), how he yearned to rectify, to do, to serve Hashem Yisburach! He passed out!

And his avoada (-devotions) was also as was the custom – hidden! He would sit in a shteibel (-small homey synagogue. Hebrew: room), which from the shteibel there was a door which led out to the roof, he would go out by night, midnight - - Gittelleh told me!

And he traded, he bought and sold old things – R' Nussun, yeah. But with faith! With such a type of faith, and with joy. He – certainly he was in pain – however; absolutely nothing! He was always - - I remember, I saw times that he didn't have for a piece of bread! He was happy! I gave him – I had something by me – ten pennies, so I gave them to him…

The sweetness, the sweetness - - Rabbi Nussun said, “Our beauty and our greatness will be revealed in the future!

There was in the world a R' Nussun Bitalmacher!…. And it was something else altogether! Something else entirely! He sat in the world, bought, sold. However the mind with his heart were – with the power of the holy Rebbe'n – he was completely something else!

*

Oy, and similarly in every Torah, in every Torah, in every prayer. When one gives heart, one sees that we need to spend out years in this! And eating – bread with cucumbers!…. (*see Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 528, mentioned above). And to make do with what there is, so that we don't need to spend time on - - the less one's expenses the more he has time – he is spared confusions.

*

R' Nussun did not have any children, and he married Gittelleh. Gittelleh nebach (pitifully, unfortunately) had five children with R' Yisroel'n (Karduner, her husband from her first marriage), four girls and an only son, this only son was a first-born, the oldest child – Mordichai'la. He had a Mordechai and Esther. This Esther – they called her Esther'ka, she was eight years old, when I knew (“recognized”) her, she was eight years old. And R' Yisroel brought them up with such modesty, such.

(Someone asks: Did any children remain?) No, none.

This Gittelleh - - she has such a husband, with five children, and remained (-was left) empty. And afterwards she married R' Nussun'en. And R' Nussun didn't have any children, and she didn't have any children, then she had two children (with R' Nussun), he had a son with her, and he named him Pinchas Yehoshua, after his father, and he was already a child of five years. And a girl, he alsoo had, after the boy, he had a girl. And he delighted nebach with this boy, with this girl. And he had a good head, and he learned. I delighted with him as though he was my child, when I came to Jerusalem - -my main lodging was by Gittell'en, by R' Nussun'en. She was a host of guests, by her there was place, not just for me - -

*

And R' Nussun was n ot like R' Shlomo Wexler, R' Nussun was not a great “ben Torah” (-fellow of the Torah), R' Nussun was “knowledgeable of books.” However, his traits, with his righteousness which he received from the holy Rebbe'n, was a novelty!

Gittell'e told over to me, that when he got up for midnight he was careful that she shouldn't hear, and he would go out to the roof for hisbodidus, he had a door to the roof.

And R' Shlomo would go to R' Nussun'en on Shabbos! He learned by him there in his house “Legendary Tales” - R' Shlomo! The sweetness of our men! For example, R' Shlomo was such a – R' Shlomo! So R' Nussun needed to go to him?! He was a man that engaged in the world, he traded, he bought, he sold, so he needed to go to him?! (but) He (R' Shlomo) was going every Shabbos to R' Nussun'en!… And I sat there and I saw!….

*

And so it was – the children, the boy was five years old, not upon us, he suddenly got sick and passed away. And this girl also passed away. They remained nebach like that, without children.

However, from not having children all the years, and having two children, and such a child five years old - - he accepted this with love! - -

*

R' Naftoli Cohen o.b.m.

And further, R' Naftoli (Cohen o.b.m. the father-in-law of R' Avrohom son of R' Nachman of Tulchin o.b.m. in his second marriage), I saw by his an amazing thing, he had a herring store, in the Old City on the Jewish Street. His wife would sit in the store, just once in a while when she needed to go out, she needed to shop, she had to go home to cook – so he would sit in the store. And he conducted himself like a “bal habayis” (homeowner – a regular person), he was so concealed, it was something else entirely, and in this way he was like a “bal habayis.”

He would go – we had a shul (-synagogue), it was called The Aguna (-a woman who doesn't know the whereabouts of her husband, and is stuck alone) Shul, the shul of the aguna – there was an aguna, and this had been her house, or something like that. In any event, it was called The Aguna Shul. I prayed there, this was on Chevron Street, by the gates to the place of the Temple. Nu, R' Naftoli would sit by the shul, and from his place there were ascents and descents, to go up and down. And he was already an older Jew, he would go every – the whole week there wasn't a minyan (-quorum), just on Shabbos – he would come on Friday night to us in the shul.

And she – the wife had a store, she certainly worked (Hebrew: she worked hard) – running to (/in) the store, running to (/in) the house to cook. In any event, she was tired. He used to – we make a dance every day after the prayers – after Maariv (-evening services), and on Shabbos, there is nothing to talk about, Shabbos! And he entered the dance and made a round and he left and went home, and I went after him. So he told me, “You shouldn't wonder why I go away, why I leave the dance, because she is tired, and she can fall asleep.” In any event, he goes because of “Shalom Ba-yis” (peace at home with the wife). Nu, and I went with him, and he spoke with me the whole way, and I had – by me this was a gift, because I thought he would tell me, “now go away from me, now I have to to do a mitzva, I have to come home, she still has to eat, she has to hear kiddush, she shouldn't fall asleep!” No – he went with me and spoke. I went with him until his house, and by his house he somehow got such words, so he continued for a long time – he forgot that he had a house!….

And I had such pleasure from these words, I thougth that I have already been saved – I will already not be able to come to taavos (bodily desires) - - such words!

Nu, he stood with me – I don't remember for how long, an hour or more – he stood with me by his house, and he didn't go inside the house, and he stood with me and spoke! It was such words, which one does not always come by – not every day does a miracle happen – produce such words!…

*

This R' Naftoli was very smart, astute. However, his temimos (simple wholeheartedness) with his faith was an amazing novelty! There rested on his face a true chain (grace), such!

He would go have hisbodidus – he didn't tell me, but I figured it out. Our men were concealed – (thoroughly) hidden.

*

The Trips to the Breslovers in Jerusalem

I sat in Tiberius in yeshiva, however, my heart burned for Jerusalem! I was in Tiberius, and my heart was in Jerusalem! And for example – when some sort of holiday came; Purim, Chanuka, I left the yeshiva – be what may – and I traveled to Jerusalem!

And thank G-d I had a lot from this – very much, because I had “sheemush” (-attending to a Sage, which is considered more important than actually learning Torah from him)! I was by so and so for a meal, and by so and so – and I received from each one a lot of stuff! Such things that – I already don't remember, but this I remember, that when I would come home to Tiberius with merchandise! That is, I prayed differently, and differently - - an entirely new Yisroel Ber! A new Breslover!….

Tiberius was a small town, it isn't Jerusalem. A small town – so when I came (back) from Jerusalem, the talk of the town was that Yisroel Ber was in Jerusalem!…

They wondered, “How does he travel?… From where does he get money for travel expenses?!” And this a kiddush (sanctification of) Hashem!

They knew that my traveling was not for money, for other things, only sincerity, only sincerity! - They felt this!

They asked themselves, “What is it – we are always depressed, and Yisroel Ber is always happy?!… We have parnasa (-livelihood), and he is a poor man – and he travels all the time to Jerusalem, and he is missing nothing, and he is happy, and dances?!”

And this was a kiddush (sanctification of) Hashem – I brought (into) them heart ache (-or worse)! Because they were misnagdim (opposers), I brought (into) them - -

*

(Someone asks: Did you know R' Meir Anshin?)

Yeah… I would eat by him on Shabbos, we would dance together!… (“He was older than you?”) Yeah, I was a youngman (-usually a term for a married man studying in Kollel), and he was already an older Jew – he lived a long life! (“He was a disciple of R' Avrohom the son of R' Nachman (of Tulchin)?) Yeah. He served R' Avrohom R' Nachman's (-that is R' Nachman's son R' Avrohom), and R' Avrohom R' Nachman's was by him in the house like a member of the house.

*

(Someone asks: Did you see R' Avrohom the son of R' Nachman (of Tulchin)?)

I did not know (“recognize”) him. Only what I heard of him – from R' Yisroel'n, from R' Shlomo'n. R' Naftoli Cohen was his shvehr (father in law – from R' Avrohom's second marriage).

This R' Avrohom R' Nachman's – there was also not left from him any children. He had two children – with R' Naftoli's daughter. And he traveled away to Rebbe'ns tzions (-tomb – in Uman) – He traveled away for Rosh Hashana, there was the war, and he wasn't able to come back, and the children passed away in the war – during the time of the war.

*

Every one of our men was a different (-Hebrew: unique) world! This one was such a world, and this one was such - - and I had this (-something) from each one! And it did great deeds, each one, accomplishments, with their words, which I saw - - it is impossible to say over! This is spiritual matters.

*

R' Gedalia Berger o.b.m.

This R' Gedalia (Berger o.b.m.) didn't miss a day that he didn't go to the Western Wall, after the yeshiva. He would sit in the yeshiva, and when he came home – he sat (-lived) outside the city – he sat (-lived) in Mishkanos, under the city there, today it is already built up a lot - -

And this R' Gedalia had a wife, his wife – she was sickly, she was sick not upon us. Of the poverty – in addition sick as well!… Nu, and when the wife is sick it isn't a good thing, one can have worries, fall into depression, into lethargy. Poor and sick….

He came from chutz (-outside) lu-uretz (-the holy land) – R' Gedalia came from chutz-lu'uretz. Most of our men came from chutz-lu'uretz, he was from Russia.

He was a poor man, and he would travel – for Rosh Hashana there is nothing to talk about – just, he would travel a few times in middle of the year, not for Rosh Hashana!….

He passed away not long ago – roughly ten years ago.

Nu, and he nebach suffered tremendously, and he was in an old age home. There it was hell – not upon us and not upon us (*translator's note – for many years Saba was in an old age, where he had only one small room – there are videos of it, from the end of his stay when people started visiting him and shortly thereafter broke him out, from here we can understand what it was like for him….) - a type of hell, such – that I wondered; “He should always be depressed?!” “I am situated in a hell – I am situated in such a place!” And he was always happy, and his mind was only set (-placed, resting) in Likutay Moharan, in the Toaroas (-holy teachings) of Rebbe'n!

I would come almost every day to him in the old age home to visit him – to see his condition, and I saw how his mind with his heart were set (-placed, resting) just by HY! He yearned for humility and for joy – and he felt that he is completely distant! I spoke with him, such….

***

Songs of Shabbos

The “Reeboan <Master> Kul <of all> Hu-oalumim <the worlds> (-sung on Friday night after Shalom Alaichem)” he (R' Yisroel Karduner) lit up in me his fire! Inside him burned a fire! Every word - - “Key <for> malachov <His angels> yitzaveh <He will command> luch <for you> lishmorcha <to guard you> bichul <in all> diruchechu <your ways> (-said immediately after Shalom Alaichem, before Reeboan Kul)!” And the “Reeboan Kul Hu-oalumim” - he inserted in me a neshama (-soul), such!

“Adoan <Master> Kul <of all> Hanishumoas <the souls> (-the words following directly after 'Reeboan Kul Hu-oalumim')” - was new - - “Reeboan Kul Hu-oalumim” was a different - - a different thing, and when he came to “Adoan Kul Hanishumoas” I saw that he is passing out, he can't continue - - what he felt in this “Adoan Kul Hanishumoas!”

And similarly (-the next words of the song): “Adoan (Master of) Hashaloam (the peace)” - when he cam to “Adoan Hashuloam” it was a new thing!…

And when he bagan to say “Melech Abeer (Mighty King),” “Melech (King)- -” with such a sort of sweetness! With such a sort of yearning to Hashem Yisburach – a type of hisbodidus!

And similarly, every “Melech (king)” - (Saba sings with arousal:) “Melech Abeer <Mighty King>, Melech Baruch <Blessed King>, Melech Gadol <Great King>” - He couldn't continue! The holy Rebbe said (Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 67), “G-d is great, we know nothing!” When he said, “Melech Gadol <Great King>” - I entered a type of Garden of Eden, such!….

And similarly with all of them – the entire order: “Melech Gadol <Great King>, Melech Dovair Shalom <King Whom Bespeaks Peace>, Melech Hadoor <Magnificent King>, Melech Vusik <Faithful King>, Melech Zuch <Pure King>, Melech Chai Hu-oalumim <King Who is Life of the Worlds>” - it was - - he imbued me with nehsamoas (-souls)! Every “Melech <king>” was a new neshama <soul>!…

(Saba sings:) “Melech <King Whom is> Toav <Good> Oomayteev <and Does Good To Others>” - this was such yearning! He felt in his heart the “Melech Toav Oomayteev!”

“Melech Yucheed Oomi-yoochud <King Whom is One and Unique>, Melech Kabeer <Powerful King>, Melech Loavaish Rachamim <King Who Wears Mercy>” - each one of these was a different world!

Afterwards when he finished “Melech Tumim Darkoa <King Whose Way Is Wholesome/Perfect> - afterwards begins: “Moadeh annee <I acknowledge gratefully> lifunechu <before You>” - “Moadeh annee lifunechu Hashem Eloakay <my G-d> vailoakay <and the G-d of> avoaseye <my fathers>” - when he came to the words “al <on> kul <all> hachesed <the kindness> ashehr <that> usseesu <You did> eemudee <with me>” - he felt the “chessed <kindness>.”

He would go with me to have hisbodidus in Meron, by him Meron was his permanent place!… Nu, so we were in Meron, and he would go to do hisbodidus, so we went together, but afterwards he separated from me, he left me in place, and he went further along the way, he had his own business to speak which was not relevant to me at all. However, before he went away from me, he taught me that the first thing is that I should thank HY for the kindness which HY did with me – that I merited to draw close to the holy Rebbe'n - - the first thing should be thanks and gratitude, thanking HY, and afterwards I should beseech what I need, that is what he taught me! (*This is based on Likutay Halachos, Yoareh Daya, Laws of Interbreeding Animals 4:4, brought down in Outpouring of the Soul, article 80, see there at length).

And when he said the “Moadeh annee <I acknowledge gratefully> lifunechu <before You> … al <on> kul <all> hachesed <the kindness>” - he wasn't able to continue, and he said it again (to the melody of part of the prayer of Rosh Hashana); “al <on> kul <all> hachesed <the kindness> - - al kul - -” this melody of Rosh Hashana, the nusach (-manner) of Rosh Hashana - -

Our nusach (-manner) of Rosh Hashana is such yearning, that we know nothing of what it is. Today one probably doesn't see such (things), but what was (/it) done, what the holy Rebbe did with his men - - it is also done always.

He said the nusach (-manner) of Rosh Hashana, “the kindness, the kindness,” like that – our nusach (-manner) of Rosh Hashana, with such a sort of yearning, like one talks to Hashem Yisburach.

*

I remember R' Naftoli (Cohen o.b.m.) would pray on Rosh Hashana, I saw how he stands by the lectern

(-where the chazan-cantor stands to lead the service) – praying before the lectern, but he didn't pray before the lectern, this R' Naftoli – he prayed before Hashem Yisburach, not before the lectern, before Hashem Yisburach!

He stood before the lectern, and once in while he would make with his hands to Hashem Yisburach, like – motions, like one speaks with people….

I remember his “Oonisaneh (and let us give (an accounting of)) Toakef (the formidable magnitude (of the day - - a very poignant powerful prayer describing what the enormity of the judgment that takes place on Rosh Hashana)), “Oonisaneh Toakef” - he set in me – in the “Oonisaneh Toakef,” such - - “Oonisaneh toakef Kidooshas <the holiness> ha-yoam <of the day>, key <for> hoo <it is> noaru <awesome> vi-u-yoam <and dreadful>,” and further, all of it - -

How did he pray?! He would travel for Rosh Hashana, He had even been by the Rosh Hashana's which were still in the taste (“smell”) of the nusach (-manner) of Rabbi Nussun'en, of R' Nachman Tulchiner (-student of Rabbi Nussun)!

This Oonisaneh Toakef - - I can not replicate it, but it was – Oonisaneh toakef kidooshas ha-yoam – Rosh Hashana - “toakef <the magnitude> kidooshas <of the holiness of> ha-yoam <the day>,” and so he said the words - -

There was another chazan (-cantor), his name was R' Dovid Cheldenki, he worked with shoes, he worked in a shoe factory, he would pray Rosh Hashana, he had a beautiful voice - -

*

[Continuing with the songs of Shabbos]

“Aishes Cha-yil (A woman of valor – this chapter from the end of Proverbs is song after the above mentioned songs)” - (he sang – R' Yisroel) – the way our men sing the melody (Saba sings the known melody sweetly with yearning); “Aishes cha-yil <a woman of valor> mee <who> yimtza <will find>” - this was – every word with a yearning. “Mee <who> yimtza <will find>” - one cannot find her!

“Aishes cha-yil” - this is the Torah, the holy Rebbe – the Torah (* See Rashi on Proverbs there (31), and the concept of the tzaddik, see Likutay Halachos, Laws of Rising Early in the Morning 4:18, and Laws of a Guardian 1:1. And see at length in Koachvay Ohr, the homily of Chuchmu Oobeena 18-23 and in the notes there).

“Mee <who> yimtza <will find>, viruchoak <and more distant> meepineenim <from pearls> michra <is her worth>. Butach bu lev baalu <her husband's heart has confidence in her> vishulal <spoils – fortune> low yechsar <are not deficient>. Gimalashoo <She deals him> toav <good> vilow <and not> ra <bad>. Dursha <she seeks out> tzemehr <wool> oopishtim <and linen> va'tas <and she makes> bichaifetz <willingly> cafehu <with her hands>” Like this I heard from R' Yisroel'n, I also heard it like this from R' Nussun Bitalmacher as well, when I went to him for Shabbos.

“Huyisu <she was> ki-uneeyoas <like ships> soachehr <of a merchant>, meemehrchak <from the distant> tuvee <she brought> lachmu <her bread/sustenance>. Va'tukum <and she got up> bi-oad <while it still was> laylu <night> va'teetain <and she gave> tehrehf <food> libaisu <to her household> vichoak <allotted portion> linaaroasehu <to her maidens>. Zumimu <she schemed over> sudeh <a field> va'teekuchayhoo <and she took/bought it>” - he couldn't continue from the “zumimu sudeh” - the “Bal Hasudeh (Master of the Field)” - in Likutay Moharan, Torah 65 (*summarized practically in Likutay Aitzoas (Collection of Advice/Directives), entry of Tzaddik, article 58: “There is a supernal field where the souls grow, and these souls need a Bal Hasudeh (Master of the Field) to engage in their rectification, and each person that desires to have mercy on his soul needs to beseech and plead a lot before Hashem Yisburach, all hit life, that he should merit to draw close to this tzaddik who is the Master of the Field, for he looks upon each one to bring them to the true tachlis (purpose, end) etc., for it is impossible to come to the good eternal tachlis except through this tzaddik who is the aspect of the Master of the Supernal Field.” And see Koachvay Ohr, Chuchmu and Beena 19-20: “And all that one puts his heart to this song (Aishes Cha-yil) will see with his eyes that it is explained there in wondrous hints, such a revelation of light, while the darkness of our exile is still strong, to give even today the food (-nourishment) of his awesome words to the men of his house and those close to him etc., and that which he schemed and took into his possession the holy field, to water and grow the trees which are the souls of Israel, which are called by the names, field and vineyard, as it is written (Isaiah 5), 'For the vineyard of Hashem of the hosts of the House of Israel etc,' and that which he girded with might his loins, and strengthened his arms to complete all the rectifications which are necessary for this, even if it transpired over him what transpired, and that which his flame will not extinguish from shining upon us in the night of our exile etc..”).

“Zumimu <she schemed over> sudeh <a field> va'teekuchayhoo <and she procured/bought it>, meepree <from the fruit> capehu <of her hands - handiwork> nutu <she planted> kurem <a vineyard>. Chugru bi-oaz musnehu <she girded with might her loins> va'ti'ametz <and she strengthened> ziroa-oasehu <her arms>. Tu'amu <she tasted> key toav sachru <that her merchandise was good>, low yichbe <it will not be extinguished> balaylu <at night> nairu <her flame>. Yudehu <her hands> shilchu <are extended> bakeeshur <to the distaff/with talent> vichapehu <and her palms> tumchoo <support> pulech <the spindle/as a support>. Kapu <her palm> purisu <she spreads out> li'unee <to the poor>” – “Kapu <her palm> purisu <she spreads out> li'unee <to the poor>,” he very well felt himself as a pauper (*See Likutay Halachos, Laws of Tefilin 5:43, where the Zohar, Torah Portion of Buluk 195b is brought down which reveals the highest regard of the prayer of the poor, and Rabbi Nussun expounds on this, writing that this was written with regard to the physical and all the more it is true regarding the spiritual, when a person feels how bereft and impoverished he is spiritually and screams out to HY to make it up to him etc., this is the most precious prayer etc. and certainly he will merit etc. see there at length) - - so it was “Kapu <her palm> purisu <was spread out> li'unee <to the poor> vi'yudehu <and her hand> shilchu <she extended> lu'evyoan <to the destitute>.”

“Kapu <her palm> purisu <was spread out> li'unee <to the poor> vi'yudehu <and her hand> shilchu <she extended> lu'evyoan <to the destitute>. Low seeru livaisu <there is no fear for the household> meesheleg <from snow> key <because> chul baisu <her whole household> luvoosh <is dressed> shunim <in scarlet wool>. Marvadim <beautiful bedspreads> usisu lu <she made for herself> shaish <linen> vi'arguman <and purple wool> livooshu <are her garments>. Noadu <well known> bashi'urim <in the gates – councils> baalu <is her husband> bishivtoa <as he sits> eem <with> ziknay <the elders> uretz <of the land>. Sudeen <a cloak for scholars> usisu <she made> va'timkor <and she sold> vi'chagor <and a belt> nusnu <she gave> la'kinaanee <to the merchant>. Oaz <might> vi'hudur <and splendor> livooshu <are her garments> va'tischak <and she laughs> li'yoam acharoan <because of the last day>.” - - This was also from “the” verses - “Oaz <might> vi'hudur <and splendor> livooshu <are her attire>,” he was not able to proceed from them - - “Oaz <might> vi'hudur <and splendor> livooshu <are her garments> va'tischak <and she laughs> li'yoam acharoan <because of the last day>.”

By this “Oaz vi'hudur” there is another melody (Saba sings): “Oaz <might> vi'hudur <and splendor> livooshu <are her garments> va'tischak <and she laughs> li'yoam acharoan <because of the last day>.” - - Aye, this “yoam acharoan <last day>” was by him always – this “yoam acharoan <last day>, he didn't forget this “yoam acharoan!” When he said, “Va'tischak <and she laughed> li'yoam acharoan <because of the last day>,” he looked at how happy (/fortunate/blessed) he was – so that the last day should be “va'tischak <and she laughted> li'yoam acharoan <because/till of the last day>!”

And so (Saba continues with the first melody): “Peehu <her mouth> puschu <she opened> bichuchmu <with wisdom> vi'soaras chesed <and the Torah of kindness> al lishoanu <is on her tongue – these two words have the numerical equivalent of Na Nach Nachma Nachman MeUman – M.A.>.” “Peehu puschu bichuchmu vi'soaras chesed al lishoanu.” - - Ah, the holy Rebbe said: “Peehu <her mouth> puschu <she opened>” when the tzaddik opens his mouth – wisdom goes out, “Peehu puschu” when he just opens his mouth – wisdom comes out! (*Likutay Moharan 30:7. And see Likutay Halachos, Laws of Meat in Milk 5:27 which explains these verses with this Torah).

“Peehu <her mouth> puschu <she opened> bichuchmu <with wisdom> vi'soaras chesed <and the Torah of kindness> al lishoanu <is on her tongue>. Tzoafeeyu <she watches over> haleechoas <the behavior of> baysu <her house> vi'lechem <and bread of> atzlus <laziness> low soachail <she does not eat>.” “Tzoafeeyu <she watches over> haleechoas baysu <the behavior of her house>,” the holy Rebbe said (Life of Rabbi Nachman, article 322), “I have looked upon each one of my men… (individualy, and I hope to Hashem that I will merit to see in them what I desire, that they should be true devotees of Hashem as I desire, and I hope with the help of Hashem that it will be so. And not just the men close to me, but even whoever will draw close to them, and even whoever just touches them, will certainly by a truly kosher person, and not just kosher, but even a very big tzaddik etc. see there at length). “Tzoafeeyu <she watches over> haleechoas <the behavior of> baysu <her house>….”

“Vi'lechem <and bread of> atzlus <laziness> low soachail <she does not eat>.” - - However much he wanted – however it still did not begin to be what he yearned for!

“Kumoo bunehu <her sons got up> va'yashroohu <and praised her – asserted her goodness> baalu <her husband (got up)> va'yihalilu <and praised her>. Raboas bunoas <many daughters> usoo cha'yil <amassed wealth / acted with valor> vi'at <and you> ulees <rose> al <over> koolunu <all of them>.” “Raboas bunoas usoo cha'yil vi'at ulees al koolunu.” - - Nu, from this also he was not able to continue, he said it with such a type of yearning, with such a type of vitality. “Raboas bunoas <many daughters> usoo cha'yil <amassed wealth / acted with valor>” - he set in me these words deep inside the heart, “Raboas bunoas usoo cha'yil” - all the tzaddikim did good - “usoo cha'yil <amassed wealth / acted with valor>!” However, “Vi'at <and you> ulees <rose> al <over> koolunu <all of them>….” (*See Likutay Halachos, Laws of Getting Up Early In The Morning 4:18, where Rabbi Nussun explains the verses here regarding the supremacy of the great tzaddik to whom all the other tzaddikim are subordinate, what he is engaged in and his legacy, see there at length).

This “Oaz <might/brazenness> vi'hudur <and splendor>” which he felt. The holy Rebbe said, one cannot be a Jew if one cannot have “azoos dikidoosha <holy brazenness>”, just like azoos <brazenness> is a bad thing, so too one cannot be a Jew without azoos dikidoosha <holy brazenness>! (*See Likutay Moharan 20:8,11; 30:8; 147; 271. Practically summarized in Likutay Aitzoas, entry of Azoos (brazenness): “It is necessary to know, just like brazenness is a very bad vice, similarly a person precisely needs to have holy brazenness, because it is impossible to come to the true tzaddikim and to draw close to the holiness except specifically through brazenness, as the Rabbis said (Ethics of Our Fathers 5:20), 'be brazen like a leopard etc..”). “Oaz <might> vi'hudur <and splendor> li'vooshu <is her attire>,” “hudur <splendor>,” this is “hadras <majestic> punim <countenance>” - tikun (rectification of) habris <the bris – circumcision) - - two good things, “oaz <might, brazenness>” - “vi'hudur <and splendor – majestic countenance gained by sexual purity>...”

*

[Continuation of the travels to the Breslovers in Jerusalem]

Thank G-d, I see now in hindsight, I already did what I did, however what I merited to – that which I yearned to see our men, without any ulterior motive, it was only - - I was in Tiberius, and my heart burned – it desired to hear from (“what”) R' Shlomo (Wexler o.b.m.) - his majestic countenance – desired to hear from him words.

So when I traveled back, I was already counting the days – with the seconds, that it should already be - - it should already come – Purim – that I should come to Jerusalem!

One must believe that this is very precious – in truth, for Hashem Yisburach's matter, I only sought that I should know from Rebbe'n. (* See Likutay Halachos, Laws of the Mincha – afternoon – Prayer 7:8: “Just for this it is necessary to travel and to go by foot to the tzaddikim and their disciples, and to fulfil 'make for yourself a Rabbi and buy for yourself a friend', all in order to receive true advice, which is drawn from the very deep waters, through which this specifically there is good hope for one's end etc..” And see there, Laws of Messengers 5🕕🕕:6: “For even someone who merits to find a Rebbe or a true friend who received from true tzaddikim words of truth which are truly beneficial for his soul, nevertheless he still needs to search a lot every day etc., certainly he needs to go on his hands and feet, to seek him and search for him with all his strength, in the whole world from one end to the other, his entire life which he lives on the face of the earth, perhaps he can find eternal life for his soul etc.. See there and in 5:16 and 5:25 at length).

By R' Yisroel'n – when I saw him, I saw the greatness of Rebbe'n! (*See Likutay Moharan 140 that the only way to have any comprehension of the tzaddik is via his men). His avoada (-devotion), with his words, with his heart. I saw everything – he was the foundation – that which I received from our men – and that which I traveled – it was all him, the foundation, “the fundamental and the foundation (Likutay Moharan 123, discussed earlier)….”

Because this was I with him – two! In Tiberius and in Tsfas (-Safed) also. There were some other chassidim, however there weren't (all out chassidim, just) - - merchants, regular folk (“bal haba-yis”). But the main thing was I and him, we were individuals!

And this that transpired (Hebrew: to me) was all great favors! The holy Rebbe said: all that transpires: “All that is said against the tzaddik and against his men – it is great benefits (Likutay Moharan 181)!” At the time it transpires it is as if one says “benefits, benefits”… (but) now I see the benefits – that the benefits sprout and grow.

Just like the holy Rebbe said that it is necessary to dig (-said in Hebrew), one needs to dig (-said in Yiddish), to tunnel to find the spring! (* Likutay Moharan, vol. 2, 5:3, summarized practically in Likutay Aitzoas, entry of advice, article 5: “The rectification of advice is through screaming of the heart, for it is necessary to scream to Hashem from the depth of the heart, and through this one tunnels and reveals deep advice/remedies, and through this the holy faith is grown/raised and fixed and one merit to healing, and a lot of great rectifications are made.” And see Ullim Litrufa, letter of Rabbi Nussun from Monday, Torah Portion of Chukas 5602, how one must scream to Hashem from the depth of the heart in order to get to the water which breeds the holy faith, and how he heard from Rabbi Nachman at the time when he revealed the aforementioned Torah, “that one must tunnel to the water from which the faith grows,” see there at length). Because when one searches for water it is necessary to first dig very deep in order to find the water, and afterwards one finds! One must dig to find the water, the more water – it grows - -

*

[Someone asks: “From where did he have parnasa (a livelihood)?”]

R' Yisroel?! From faith and truth!… (* See Likutay Moharan 76, summarized practically in Likutay Aitzoas, entry of Trust, article 2: “Through trust in Hashem Yisburach, that one gazes and looks expectantly to Hashem Yisburach alone, and trusts in Him, through this he makes a vessel for the shefa (bounty), and merits that the shefa (bounty) and the parnasa (livelihood, sustenance) will come to him at the time (and time) that he needs.” And in Likutay Halachos, Laws of Business 4:1, “Therefore in truth, whoever's faith overly strong in Hashem Yisburach, he overly unloads from himself the yoke of the labors of business, to the extent that there tzaddikim that have such strong trust that they don't need any involvement in business, and no dealing or travel whatsoever for parnasa, because when one's trust is overly strong in Hashem Yisburach, then he makes a vessel for the shefa, that is boundaries and time, just through the trust alone.” And similarly in the Laws of Interest 3, and elsewhere).

[The beginning is missing. Saba speaks of the story mentioned above that the misnagdim threw rocks at Rabbi Nussun]

- - They stood with the sticks and the stones in order to kill him, he hid himself - - dancing before Hashem Yisburach and singing (Saba sings): “Our greatness <oonzer groyskait> and our splendor <oon oonzer shainkait>” - - I heard this from R' Yisroel'n - “Our greatness and our splendor will be seen <vet men zen> in the time to come <li'usid luvoa>...” - a melody which the sticks made!…

Oy vay, Master of the World, what will be with us, what will be with us?!

*

Likutay Tefilos

(Collection of Prayers – written by Rabbi Nussun, based on the holy teachings of Rabbainu)

- - - There is not in the world – there has yet to been such prayers! We need them like we need breath, this is the entire vitality, the fundamental and foundation of the Torah and the entire Judaism, everything – it is here! In this place! (From the introduction to Likutay Tefilos, “And behold the value/prominence of these prayers, any intellegent person who desires truth and temeemus will understand, because prayers like these have yet to be in the world, and they are replete with all goodness for the House of Israel etc., and whoever is accustomed to (saying) these prayers with truth and temeemus, certainly he will merit eternal life.” And earlier, “And there is no matter that is deficient from a person in the matter of serving Hashem which he won't find in these prayers!”).

When the holy Rebbe made such a Rabbi Nussun, and the holy Rebbe ordered him - - this was his entire life. This isn't some sort of composition, like one makes a composition - - this is his fire! He made a drop in the ocean of his fire (*From the introduction of Likutay Tefilos, “Therefore I put my heart to copying from the prayers I wrote for myself, like Rabbainu o.b.m. assigned me, that it is good to write for oneself the prayers, when one merits to any orderly prayer, so that he can say it also on another occasion, and so I did. Afterwards I saw that it would be beneficial to copy them in a general tense, in a manner that they would be appropriate for every soul, and to give them over to our fellow men so as not to hold back the goodness from its owners, because I saw that they are extreme encompassing generalities, and they are necessities for every soul, for every single one according to his level.”), in order that we should see what goes on here in the world! Every word burns like fire! And if one doesn't give heart – one says, and one says….

And similarly every letter (-of Ullim Litrufah), every word. And we must believe in this!

It shouldn't be inferred – I already said – it shouldn't be inferred that I am already the “bal haba-yis (-homeowner – one in possession and control) of this, and I already do. I only speak of what should be… but I am nebach (pitifully, unfortunately) so outside, more than everyone, HY knows the truth, I am embarrassed to speak it out. However I don't want others to blunder…

*

[Returns to speak of the Breslovers in Jerusalem]

- - Each one was a different world, each one had in him a different – just like diamonds, diamonds – each diamond has different virtues, this one has such a type of beauty, (and) this one has such a type of beauty.

*

The Drawing Close of R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.

- - (R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.) He received from R' Moshe Breslover, R' Nussun's disciple. He held the yartzeit (-anniversary of death) of R' Moshe'n just like after a father, he would fast the day of his yartzeit.

(Someone asks: “How did he come close to Breslov?”) He found some pages of Tikun Haklali (-The General/Comprehensive Rectification revealed by Rabbi Nachman) – the introduction, through this he came close to Breslov!….

He told over to me, the (-his) father was a big merchant, (and) he (R' Yisroel) was the main manager of the store, and the father would send sacks of sugar – with merchandise, (and) he would go sit in the warehouse, and he would give to whom his father ordered him. In that place there were sacks with boxes (Heb: cupboards), he would sit there inside the warehouse between the sacks, and from there he would scream to HY – (that) He should have mercy on him, (so that) he should merit to be a truly kosher (-worthy) man!

This is the way one draws close to Rebbe'n! When one begs HY, and desires and yearns – one merits! - One must believe that he will find! (*Based on Likutay Halachos, Laws of Blessing on Fruit 5:1, brought in Ullim Litrufa, letter of Rabbi Nussun from Sunday, Torah Portion of Metzoaru, Rosh Chodesh Nissan 5592, “and this is (Megila 6b) '”I exerted and did not find” – do not believe, “I exerted and I found” - believe', and it is difficult, what is the language of “believing”, behold it is possible to see if he found or did not? However, the truth is that is possible that one tried a lot, and it seems to him that he still has not found anything, and because of this he says, “I exerted and didn't find,” nevertheless, do not believe him, just, “I exerted and I found,” believe, even though he doesn't have anything in his hands that he found, nevertheless, believe with complete faith that certainly he found a lot, because there is a lot that isn't shown to him that he found until the end. And also, even if he still did not find anything yet, nevertheless he found a lot through the searching and exertion alone, because the exertion and the searching alone is not lost in any way, and therefore, “I exerted and I found” - believe, specifically “believe” as explained above, and understand well.). I exerted and I found!

He was drawn close with such a fiery heart. The (-his) father did not want – the father cut him out of the inheritance! And he left his father the way he stood – just with the shoes with (the) clothing, that is how he left him, and he came to Uman. He was a wealthy boy, from a wealthy house, with such honor – and he went begging, just like the beggar – begging alms!

And first he printed – two thousand Tikun Haklalis! He went around the houses and begged alms, and from this he printed two thousand Tikun Klalis, and he traveled around selling them, in the synagogues, in the city….

And he gave himself over completely to Rebbe'n like one should – he merited! He was unique amongst the Breslover chasidim! Probably you heard, R' Yisroel Karduner – everyone knows he was an oavaid (server of) Hashem with mesiras nefesh (-self sacrifice).

(Someone asks: “How long was he in the Land of Israel?”) He was approximately fifteen years, approximately. He was two times in the Land of Israel, previously he was here for a few weeks, and he traveled back. And afterwards he came (-permanently).

He gave his entire life over for Rebbe'n! He published the books of Rebbe'n in the time when no one did not - - he published; Likutay Tefilos, and Likutay Moharan, and small booklets – he translated the travels of Rebbe'n to the Land of Israel into Yiddish – into the jargon – into Yiddish.

He had no money – he borrowed, it was known that he paid back, he had credit, it was known that he would pay back. He published, sold, everything with prayers. “And Elisha, who did (miracles), with prayers he did (them) (Megila 27a, and see Likutay Moharan 250)!” With prayer he accomplished everything! With such mesiras nefesh (-self sacrifice) which is unfathomable, borrowing money and printing. Today there is “Keren <fund> Hadfusa <printing/publishing> (-Meshech Hanachal),” but back then there was – mesiras nefesh!

Later his father had regret, he (R' Yisroel) traveled specially to fulfill (the mitzva of) honoring one's father. He was old, he attended to him. From Uman he traveled to the country where he was born – there where his father lived – so that he could fulfill honoring one's father - - in Tarnapul (Galitzia).

R' Shlomo Wexler would say of R' Yisroel'n – of him it says the verse (Isaiah 49:3), “Israel whom in you I glorify.”

*

[Someone asks: “He met with R' Avrohom son of R' Nachman (of Tulchin)?”] Yeah! Certainly! They were friends – yeah, certainly!

I did not know (“recognize”) him – R' Avrohom'en, I was drawn close when he was already in chutz lu'uretz (-outside Israel). However, I heard from R' Shlomo Wexler, from R' Meir Anshin - -

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(Someone asks: “When R' Yisroel sang, did he also dance?”) He sang, he danced also, certainly! He danced even in middle of the week as well! R' Avrohom would say that one must dance a half hour on the clock! It is a great mitigation – sweetening of the dinim (-judgments)! (*Likutay Moharan 10: Through dancing and clapping there is mitigation of the dinim. And see Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 131: His intention is like the simple meaning, that they should strengthen themselves to be happy in the days of joy, like Purim, and Chanuka, and holidays, or a wedding, and so forth all types of joy of mitzvoas, that they should strengthen themselves with great joy, until they merit to be aroused to dance and clap, and through this they will sweeten the dinim etc..).

(Someone asks: “Today they don't dance so much - - “) I would dance by myself! Alone by myself at home! Yeah! I sang melodies, another melody, such a melody, such a melody - - I was happy and singing!… (*See Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 273: “It is good for a person to accustom himself so that he can enliven himself with some melody, because melody is a very very great and hight matter, and it has great power to arouse and draw a person's heart to Hashem Yisburach. And even someone who can't sing, nevertheless in his house, by himself, he can enliven himself with some melody as best as he can sing it, because the prominence of melody is unfathomable etc..” And see Ullim Litrufa, letter from 11 Tishray 5593: “And I already said that it is necessary to dance every day, and certainly you heard this, and now I returned and spoke about this, because according to the enormity of the suffering and confusion etc. which transpires over every person now, there is no remedy except to make oneself happy with all that is mentioned above, and to dance every day – in actuality or in words, to speak with his friends of this, or at the very least, in thought, and actually be happy nonetheless etc..”).

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Na Nach Nachma Nachman MeUman!